Wedding Freaks

INDONESIA - where are you heading to?

2011-07-05T14:23:00.000+08:00

news on tv make me sick, there is no good news, all news especially local news make people so fed up with the country, all the terible and horrible thing was flash on tv screen, and we keep consuming how bad this country was.how inappropiate government act due to many cases...

let me list what news that stayed few weeks on tv screen :
1. Gayus and his hidden treasure
2. Nunun and her lost memory
3. Nasarudin "the most wanted man"
4. TKI (pacung lah, sembelih lah, potong lah, gantung lah)
5. Naughty judges
6. Corruption

gheez this is why i hate local channel...where we can gain our love back to our country if MEDIA keep showing us how bad this country is..i agree, i know our country is in a worst condition, noone can trust anyone..but we stayed in INDONESIA dude...

dont make something bad become worst, government is all the nonsense things, all they have to do is make people in government get richer and richer but this doesnt mean that we have to create another problem by starting riot and protest in every way we can...

life is too short...all our life we should do what we can do best, like written on a bible "give what you should give to your country and give what you should give to your God" , i guess the rest let the God manage it and let people who did a bad thing get their punishment not by us , but by God, i know it sounds so lame, but who are we to judge and punish them and tell them "YOU STUPID HUMAN BEING" as we are also not perfect...

if you do love your country lets start with it with small thing you can do for your country :
1. pay your taxes (i know i hate this part too..but somehow this country need money to cover every expenses with or without additional cost that get inside people in government pocket)
2. respect each other (im chinese and im christian . the minor citizen in indonesia but i respect every single human being that different with me, i didnt say different is beautiful but its a variety, please dont judge people by the cover...not all chinese perfect so please dont judge people who non chinese is bad guy)
3. read the news, comment less, move on with your life
4. lets make indonesia a better living for our children and grand children by not THROWING RUBBISH everywher
5. gather with your family, pray for this country

well like i said before, i just noone in this big country but i love Indonesia despite how bad it is...
so i will proud of my country no matter what happening :)

MERDEKA!!!!

GOD versus Religion

2011-07-04T13:32:00.000+08:00

on weekend i was requesting Bond to go chruch with me..on sunday morning, he told me he gonna take me and lil cheri to go church together... :) finally after a very long time we absence from the presence of people in the church we back!

no no its not like i take back on what i think about church and their hidden politic and behave.
i just miss being around my Father in heaven. i just wanna be close with him, i want my family also feel the same, cheri must be guide on to His path and lil cheri is in his time to learn everything new..and all knowledge start with scared of God...

i cant deny how much i dislike people in the church (not all of them but most of them), i dont know what other religion system, but in church, i feel disapointing, feel hatred to people who service Father. they keep showing to other people how they so good doing things in church (Worship leader, singer, musician even a priest) . i dont have right to judge people, it just my opinion. they brag about it, keep talking this and that holy thing but behind every people they will start talking about other people bad.. "hey did you know this person bla bla blaaa...hey do you know that he just...." people who called themselves holy and dedicated to God is just as same as sinner like other people.

These days GOD is no longer versus SATAN, but versus with the religion...
have you ever notice how people keep talking "on monday i have this prayer meeting, on tuesday i have singing practice, on wednesday i have this and that until sunday bla bla bla.." and all they did just do the routine so they feel like they are an EXIST person..gheez....if you want to served GOD, served with your sincere heart, served like you dont have to tell other people what you have did for HIM....and when they busy doing so many service for church and do they really get intimate with God?

i didnt say im not sinner, or im holy, or im perfect??im not..im a normal human being, doing sin everyday i guess, and im in phase where im trying to pray every morning :P but im not a hypocrite...

church is a place where we have desire to meet God , want to intimate with Him and listen the words from Him, not a place where we found that we more miserable when we go to church...

church is not a place to show off, to be a diva/artist/watever famous person for...wake up people...do you really served your GOD or served yourself?

have you ever?

2011-07-01T10:14:00.002+08:00

have you ever feel that you love someone too much and you cant say how much you love him/her and you do so much but you keep thinking its not enaugh..

have you ever feel your hug is too small?you want to give a warm big hug that he/she can feel what you feel?

have you ever kiss that you wish it last forever?and everytime you close your eyes, you just wanna stop the time...and you dont want anything else?

have you ever feel the safety place in when you in his/her arms, although earthquake or world war were just in front of your door house?

and after all tragedy , love hate relationship, all the anger, all the stupid words and thought, you know you cant runaway no more...

have you ever saw when they sleep next to you, how lucky you are, how you keep thinking when you first time met this person, and how he changed your world upside down

and when finally you lay ur head in his chest and hug by his arm...and you still cant sleep to think so many things..feel like so many butterfly in your tummy that make you keep wondering and thinking what it would like if you dont have him next to you, how it will be on the next 10 or 15 years?will it be the same...

have you ever feel its not the make out thing that matters but his/her touch on your cheek, his/her kiss on your lips that make you feel like in the top of the world, its about his touch, his care and his love that you want..nothing else...

I'm gonna give my secrets away...

2011-07-01T10:00:00.001+08:00

I need another story

Something to get off my chest

My life gets kinda boring

Need something that I can confess

Til’ all my sleeves are stained red

From all the truth that I’ve said

Come by it honestly I swear

Thought you saw me wink, no

I’ve been on the brink, so

Tell me what you want to hear

Something that were like those years

Sick of all the insincere

So I’m gonna give all my secrets away

This time, don’t need another perfect line

Don’t care if critics never jump in line

I’m gonna give all my secrets away

My god, amazing how we got this far

It’s like we’re chasing all those stars

Who’s driving shiny big black cars

And everyday I see the news

All the problems that we could solve

And when a situation rises

Just write it into an album

Singing straight, too cold

I don’t really like my flow, no, so

Tell me what you want to hear

Something that were like those years

Sick of all the insincere

So I’m gonna give all my secrets away

This time, don’t need another perfect line

Don’t care if critics never jump in line

I’m gonna give all my secrets away

Oh, got no reason, got not shame

Got no family I can blame

Just don’t let me disappear

I’mma tell you everything

So tell me what you want to hear

Something that were like those years

Sick of all the insincere

So I’m gonna give all my secrets away

This time, don’t need another perfect line

Don’t care if critics never jump in line

I’m gonna give all my secrets away

ONE YEAR

2011-07-01T09:47:00.001+08:00

its been more than a year after all the drama, tears, happiness and other and other...
still stnad right here and when several time i keep wondering when i will get married, i havent get a staright answer...honestly ....inhale exhale.........well im not going to die if i didnt get marry right away isnt it?
well life been up and down, rasing a toodler is not an easy job, emotion, patience and ..........
in laws spoilt lil cheri too much until he didnt know which one is right and which one is wrong...
no complain, no comment...

everytime i heard cindy telling story about her pregnancy or fira with his lilttle cute boy..i just deep down look at myself and see what i achieved..i know i cant thanks enaugh to God for everything that I have now, but i really am a greedy girl, with alot of request, want everything instant...want everything quick, planned and organized...

i have so many dreams, so many wishes , so many thing to achieved, but i feel im stuck, i cant do anything. I cant socialize, im losing my friends, i cant go singing, i even cant buy a camera for myself...everything must have approved from him....what left for me to do?except working and do the routine house chores...this is why i cant wait for my trip to singapore....the runaway trip...free, yeay!

i wanna visit cindy when she in labor on september, i cant see the reason i cant giving a hope to her that i will do my best to be on her side when she give birth, bond keep saying that i shouldnt make any promises (im not) coz i will just make her disapointed when i cant be around. but i bet she will understand if i really cant make it that something must be very important that i cant run from.

this whole one year is about getting know his family, making a bond, making adjustment...but i miss my family, i miss my mom, sister and everyone else..i wish he also can spend time with my family..ingres did came visit us and im glad i can see her...

gheez i feel like im complaining so much about my life...
i just feel stuck...bored and stuck! wanna escape for a while...

dont lemme go...

2010-11-25T12:37:00.000+08:00

i try to erase the shadow in my head..but everytime i passed starbucks, jco and few corner..i smile and i cant just remove the memories yet...things do gettin better between me and bond..but then sometimes i feel i miss my wild side..miss hang out, miz do crazy things, miz going out till late and dawn, miz goin cinema, singing till have no voice left...i feel so olddd....bored!

i try to find the exictment that i can write on this post, but i cant find one...
well this two weeks we been to chicken farm few times, at first it was fun, but the 3rd visit its become a routine that you cant avoid to..i perfectly know that he have some shares on the chicken bussiness but did he need spend up to 5 hours and feed the chicken by himself?i mean come on, he bring his little boy and me..we wait fed up in the car..that was so making me upset!he got 2 man that can feed the chicken...and there the holiday just gone..and we went home..did nothing, sleep...we dont even watch a good show on tv...the weekend and holiday become so bored..i dont wait for any weekend anylonger...

good things, the chicken price is go higher..so well i think he got profit from it! hmph...
i wonder he got a debt but why i must feel the uneasy things too...
i mean i work so hard..and yet i must still cantt spend the money...
but i did a little shopping..online one.. :P
and i think i spend so much on our needs, like foods and stuff..
well hmph...yeah life pretty bored right now..sigh!

i miz the black swift :P well..hahahahahhaaaaa...

my heart bleeded (part 2)

2010-11-05T11:22:00.000+08:00

this 2 months become a hell
feelin so sick
feelin betrayed
feelin heart broken
feelin empty
feelin devastated
the lie, the anger, the emotion, the selfish, the ignorance make everything worse...
struggle..and its all just a shame...
started with when someone take you for granted
then you realise how small you are
and when one lie cover by another untruth stories
your heart bleeded...
the past, the future everything become blur with the reality of today that you are going to face...
feel lost

almost lost life..
almost lost friends
almost lost dignity
almost lost tomorrow
and almost lost the breath

keep thinkin where i went wrong
what did i do
then i know how good and how hard i am trying, its come in a waste when someone already not treasure you

i learn to stand up with bare foot
i learn to breath with new atmosphere
learn to step in a new empty street
from one street to another street
from one story to another story
and i found nothing

friends come with a lot of opinion
come with alot emotion
come with alot of anger
come with alot of instructions

and i did nothing...

i feel old
i feel unpowered
i feel alone
i feel weak
my leg shaking
my heart beating slower
and my mind start to killing me

you come from no where
reach out my drowning hand
and teach me bout life
and every minute and hour and nights its become a small hope
and every song that we sing
every bullshit that we talked about
its become a smile when you have your nitemare

but its all just a dream
and now i need to wake up
and face that my heart belong to someone
n he is standing in front of me
beggin for the sake 10 years that we been through
although how im longing to sleep and not to wake up anymore

but aint it fair for him if i doesnt give him last chance to breath?
i guess its time to say goodbye
and back to the circle...

so long mr.brightside

my heart bleeded...

2010-11-05T11:01:00.000+08:00

Hey boy, is she everything you wanted in a woman?

You know I gave you the world

You had me in the palm of your hand

So why your love went away

I just can't seem to understand

Thought it was me and you babe

Me and you until the end

But I guess I was wrong

Don't want to think about it

Don't want to talk about it

I'm just so sick about it

Can't believe it's ending this way

Just so confused about it

Feeling the blues about it

I just can't do without ya

Tell me is this fair?

Is this the way it's really going down?

Is this how we say goodbye?

Should've known better when you came around

That you were gonna make me cry

It's breaking my heart to watch you run around

'Cause I know that you're living a lie

That's okay baby 'cause in time you will find...

Let me paint this picture for you, baby

You spend your nights alone

And she never comes home

And every time you call her

All you get's a busy tone

I heard you found out

That she's doing to you

What you did to me

Ain't that the way it goes

When you cheated boy

My heart bleeded boy

So it goes without saying that you left me feeling hurt

Just a classic case

A scenario

Tale as old as time

boy you got what you deserved

And now you want somebody

To cure the lonely nights

You wish you had somebody

That could come and make it right

But boy I ain't somebody with a lot of sympathy

You'll see

the silver birthday

2010-10-14T17:00:00.000+08:00

1st pic : Dinner at HU'U (suprise dinner)

2nd pic : Birthday or Honeymoon cake (BOND IDEA... :p )

3rd pic : cake n us...

my baby dont mess around because he love me so...

2010-09-09T12:14:00.000+08:00

1st pic : Bali bird park - 17th August 2010
2nd pic : Jayagiri - weekend
3rd pic : bond n little cheri at Bali Bird Park
4th pic : Gift from Philipines :)

***

Finally, the divorce, court and everything between bond n ima was finally over. Thanks God, we get the custody over Dhika.. im glad and happy. Oh yes it come with a celebration too. on 17th August three of us, bond, little cheri and me was went to Bali Bird Parks, this is little cheri n my first time visit to Bali Bird Park.
we have so much fun, chasing the bird, watching so many attraction, 4d cinemas, and little cheri was so funny, he keep screaming when this big bird chasing him..and he was a little brave boy..we love little cheri so much..bond in other site was more exicting about the eagle attraction..i was amazed by the owls..we had Kentucky for lunch then Cianjur for dinner. this few weeks, we spent time together especially on the weekend.

Little cheri was grew up so fast, n he learn alot, he can speak so many new words and express what he see and what he feel. we are proud of him. bond told me one time when bond n me was BBM ing, little cheri was took bond bb away and saw my profile picture and he was saying this "ihhh..mommy gayaa!" and bond was laugh out loud like crazy maniac...

ok now the biggest update...
i was staying at bond place over this few days, and last friday, i was doing house chores like every morning, n i were vacuming the room and was watching spongebob..and suddenly bond dad was coming out from nowhere.....i was petrified, thinking to pretending faint, but i was wearing night gown..oh no..then he was saying "oh um..ya ga papa silahkan dilanjutkan", i was still holding the vacum and do know wat to do..then in 5mins, his mum came to the room when i was washing dishes...i was...um err..she asks few things then after i took a bath i went down stairs and here the interview go...from who am i, where i come from, where i met bond, and my family, my school, things, job, religion..gheezzz...but they are very nice people..they very kind and polite and they keep remind me to not get quarell with bond over this matter. they said they ok with this situation as long i will support bond and not fight everyday...(im not ima) but from all this crazy thing , bond and me relieved coz his parents know me already. and after bond reach home, his parents was giving an opinion bout me..they were saying im kind, independent and open. :)

Well i cant say grace enaugh for everything i got...i have a great family..especially bond, he was being so nice and understanding, although we still somehow have a fight but he is a great guy...i love him so much... :)

the spring fiesta

2010-06-22T16:22:00.004+08:00

1st pic : bond birthday card and birthday cake
2nd pic : bond n nda
3rd pic : ptc playing times
4rd pic : first time swimming for baby cheri
5th pic : naping time for baby cheri
6th pic : disturbing mommy time
7th pic : taman safari
8th pic : playground

few months later

2010-06-22T15:22:00.002+08:00

yes, i saw the last post was on March, it tooks almost 3 months for me to write again into the blog, and yes this blog has been disclosed for public due to safety reasons...

APRIL
1st April we were celebrating well not we, but bond and baby cheri was celebrating the 2nd birthday on Ima house, i was enaugh busy to choose and buy present for baby cheri...ordering cake, and go shopping, it was so much fun shopping for children, you got so many choice although i need 2 hours to pick a right present, but when i show it to Bond and he like it and baby cheri also like it. :)

17th april was bond 27th birthday, early morning at 6.30 am if im not wrong, bond n me went to bedugul with HIS NINJa..hahahha.. i need to survey the starwberry field and bali handara for my work stuff and he kind enaugh to company me then afterwards we cut cake in his house and we had dinner at TAKE , i bought him cdma phone and greeting card that i need almost a month to make it, i asked a little help from yurison, angga, sally, valeo and rangga..happy :) he like it :)

20st April we were i mean bond was kidnapping DHIKa, with a little help of me..hahahah, we were so glad this was the best decision we ever made, so we were preparing how to take baby cheri when the witch (ima) not around, and i remember i was quite freak out, coz i tot it was a bad idea, and it will like starting a war. n i was right, after bond take dhika away, ima and her family was furios, they should be furios!but, wat the hell, the most crazy thing was the witch left dhika alone at home with a sleeping maidddd...and no one take care of him, poor baby cheri, lucky we saved him in the right time, i was making a false call to check where ima was and i was booked aston hotel n booked air flight ticket for bond , baby cheri and his parents, so yeah it was a hectic and frustated day. sadly the witch dad was found our ninja and he take the ninja and put on his house.damn it!at night i was visiting bond and baby cheri at aston, i think dhika was quite um wat to describe the word...um take it ok, although in the night he was crying and fall asleep. so yes that was my second met with baby cheri.

21st april this is the first court, on 16th Bond was recieveing divorce paper from Ima, n he must attend the court, n he was there n he said the witch was nowhere to found, n he dont care, later on at afternoon, he flied to Surabaya, i was quite busy to book and made downpayement for the apartment they rented. luckily they happy and like the apartment. im relieved, it was quite stress to know i will not see Bond everyday now.

30th April Bond was back at town, to visit me and take care little this and that, he was stayed for 2 days, n get back to surabaya on sunday if im not wrong.then i feel very sad and he too, and he suggests me to visit him in surabaya and to get know baby cheri, then i was tot it was quite a good idea, to get close with baby cheri.

7th May i was quite happy and exicted to give him a suprise visit, bond tot i was coming on sunday, but here we are, i ring a bell infront of the apartment and he was shocked and happy, he keep smiling and kiss me. baby cheri was quite shocked too, n at first he was keep quite and wan his daddy to caryy him all over, then in 30mins, i was playing already with baby cheri.hahahaha..then we went dinner in top noodle like a family, although dhika was a busy child...hahahaha he cant sit still on restaurant so yeah bond n me cant eat peacefully. later on that night we sleep together like a family..im happy n i know bond too...dhika will get used to it.

12th May cindy was taking me, bond and baby cheri to the zoo, malang taman safari, dhika was so happy, he was like seeing elephant and other animal for the first time, we were very exicted too, oh yeah baby cheri n me already made the bond, we sing and play and studying and learning and swimming and do so many things together...this week i was like a wife and a mum, wake up at 5am cleaning the house, mopping, brooming, wash dishes, wash clothes, taking care baby cheri, cooking, so many things, i cant remember how was my work before i come here....hahahhaha..i was so enjoying my day in Surabaya...we had so much fun

13th May finally the day come where i need to say goodbye to BOND and baby bond, i was heartbroken when i saw baby cheri was crying when i left him...wish i can tell him that i will miss him badly..i slept at cindy house that nite

14th May i flied to Jakarta to attend fira wedding as a bridesmaid, finally i get out from the house chores and be SINGLE UNRESPONSIBLE lady..hahahahah..we had fun, we dress up, make up, singing and happy together with fira..meet alot of friends...muara, ninin, menul, dione, shinta, putri, cepin, feli....great LORD...im happy and exhausted

15th May i was took the early flight, i woke up at 3am, n went to airport, my flight at 5am, and when i arrived bali, my engagement necklace was gone. i devastated coz i wanna sell the necklace and save up from the money..so well time to let it go..nothing was attcached me with fatass anymore.

20th May Bond, Baby cheri was back in town..yipeeee...finally, i was meeting them in airport, oh yeah baby cheri called me MOMMY,hahahha when i was away, bond keep showing my picture to baby cheri and he keep saying mommy mommy...clever boy...

well then bond try to bring baby cheri as often as he can to meet me and spent time together, we went for lunch in KFC, we went to clandys, we went to my place and baby cheri was playing around at my place and we went to melangt house and just spend time together...

tomorrow the court decision will finally came out..thanks GOD!we were both cross finger and praying so that we can win the custody for baby cheri and finally we can be together illegally peacefully....

seberapa pantaskah kau untuk kutunggu?

2010-03-31T12:55:00.004+08:00

*picture taken on BOND house 20.03.10

***

still living in d upside down world, im hanging there...still feel like an alien, n hard to adapt with the new changes...my hand like so itchy to do a facelift in Bond home, but i try very hard to control it, still dun feel i have authorithy to do anything yet...yesterday he visit dhika up to 2 hours, n im wait for him, hmph i guess wat people said "you dont realize what you got until you lose it.." such in big dilemma, keep thinking i should left him be alone n let him clear his mind without any bias from me. but he asked me not to leave, he said nothing to think anymore, ima n him was over, the only concern now only dhika..i feel abit..uneasy...but i oso cant live him in that fragile condition, cindy keep saying i should let him be alone for the moment, until he finish every legal paper with ima. she concern on what people might see n their opinion, well honestly i didnt care on what people think bout me, i just wanna do things for myself...

***

Tommorow is Dhika 2nd birthday, i was busy this morning, ordering cake n stuff, and planning the schedule for tommorow then tonite im suppose to find d birthday gift!i feel like im doing this for BOND n yes for dhika..he suppose to do all this, but i know he busy, but i guess he suppose to be can spare a hour or two to do this thing, isnt it?hmph..well i shouldnt complain aint i?im willing to do it happily, i just wish BOND was have the same busy like me...well life...i just wish i can be more stronger.

the TRANSFORMERS...

2010-03-30T13:40:00.003+08:00

transformation is what im facing rite now..feel my world like upside down...back to the updates, so Bond had went to Ima house and he met Dhika, he feel very happy, he said "tadi aku bonceng dhika, naek ninja keliling2.." i can see smile on his face, finally..glad to see him happy :) thats all i want, then i asked "did u talked to ima yet?" he said yes, then i asked again "did u guys make up?" he said "no, dun think we gonna fix it anymore" um okay..then he explain that Dhika is stop going to school start yesterday, dhika only going to school after the court decision, i was quite shocked and bond said ima is going to take care all the works paper (divorcement)...then we were discussing whether to take dhika custody or not, then i insist , well not insisit but more to suggest him to take custody over dhika, i had talked with boy, n he recommend me to discuss it with rambo (our fren, a lawyer) then bond said yes, i guess i will take dhika custody, but im not sure whether i will succeed or not, i will ask my mum help. but both of us still think whether dhika is better with us or with ima...i guess if we win custody over dhika, i should quit my job...last night was a great nite, we went dinner and went to his home, feel like i have this new world, have a new house, have a new routine, but i still feel like an alien as his house.his house was big n dark and old and dusty. I wish i can do abit facelift on that house..hahahahaha..one day!i accidently turn off the power of his firdge, which make the fridge flooding..hahahahaha..feel guilty, then we watch tv and talk, and it feel so right...then we went sleep and at morning i saw him next to me, sweating..and he kiss me and i must shake his body to wake him up, we laid on d bed until 6.45 hahahahaha..just talking some nonsense....im loving my life...but well i cant be too exicted or happy yet like cindy said, must wait until d court decision clear everything. wowww...amazingggg a transformation, i didnt expect this happen so fast...i feel like i dreaming! :) finally i can be with the man that i love, i wanna take care of him, n love him n care for him...

gettin tired of a high class toys...

2010-03-29T10:11:00.002+08:00

thing didnt went like wat i planned, bond n me get quarell on saturday night, I wait the whole day at home, he told me he goin to take for haagen daz, i wait n wait until 11.30pm n he didnt show up, i was so pissed, i cried, n i didnt return his bbm. at morning he said sorry n he said he miss me n love me so much, but he was devastated n missing DHIKA badly, i dunno wat to say, i feel lile i lost my mind, i encourage him and support him to come back with ima, i told him to call ima or visit ima place and said sorry, and ask her to comeback, at first Bond was refused, i can see that he really dun wan get back with ima, but he just need DHIKA, then i said that DHIKA come with full package, u cannot take dhika without taking ima, then after a long chat, he agree to meet ima, i was cry out loud. I can said i support him, encourage him, ask him to change like wat ima want, and be responsible, but as more as i type in bbm, i was cry louder and louder and he didnt know how painful it was. then i made my decision, i told myself, if IMA really come back with him then i will left!for better or worse i will left!im not care with how BOND can survive anymore...then i packed all his things, the picture, the dolls, bon2, bonez everything into the box, i know Bond will get ima back by somehow, then i went out, i just dun want be alone at hum n crying, i went shopping and singing with el n yani. Then Bond text me, he asked where am i, n he said he miss me, he wanna meet up, then i was asking how was the make up thing with ima?he said it didnt work out, they went to negara, and ima said nothing can need to be changed anymore...then i straight went back to denpasar and i went to his house, n he not okay...he almost cry, he said he miss dhika, i asked him to visit dhika at school. then i ask him to try again, he said the possibility is very small, then i said although its small, it still a possibility, just fight for it!hmph my heart was pain, but i want him to be happy!then we spend d nite together, talkin, chit chating, watch tv, and suprisingly, he gave 50bucks, he said this is the first result of my new bussiness, this is for you to spent, i was.."ummm no u have alot of expenses" i tot he better keep his money for himself, but he refusesn put it on my purse :) .

at morning i was like making up the bed n i found his phone at bed, lying there. i dunno wat came to me but i check his inbox, i never did that before, its quite shocking when i saw few sms from ima, i found out that ima also left him on december..n she said she need time to pray n be alone..hmph then i saw text from ima saying that BOND giving too little money for her to buy dhika things, and i saw text from ima saying that "sanna slalu bilang dhika tanggung jawab ima bukan?" wowww thats quite supprising for me, until this second i was always think bond taking care his responsibilty quite well, but this few sms , money n dhika um just weird...and i also saw one text from ima sayaing "ima ga tahan jadi istri ayank" thats funny she said she cant bear any longer as bond wife but call bond honey...hmphhhh..well yeah so...now kindda stuck in the middle, wish everything finish soon...

when its over...or not?

2010-03-26T16:13:00.002+08:00

Okay the updated news are, Bond and Ima are really in deep trouble, Bond mention perhaps the only way out are they r separate from each other. I was well im not that shocked, coz this is not the first time he told me that. Last nite he spend the nite with me, i woke up at almost midnight when he finally came home from airport (sending WKP people off to NZ) and i prepare a very simple dinner for him, and then we take a rest... i know he was very tired of everything, his overloaded with tons of work and now his family...i wish i can take the burden away, but im too scared to scratch another wound...i keep quite and we fell asleep...along the night he just hug me and dont want me out of his sight!i feel i was in the right place with the right person...i feel happy although i feel so much exhausted...and then when we woke up, he just hug me and then he left. i text him , i said "ima didnt looking for you?" and he said "no" then i know something was not right, then i asked "ima go back to her parents isnt it?since when?" then he answered "since tuesday" , wow shocking well this is also not the first tim ima left home and go back to her parent, then i asked again "she found out bout us?thats y she left?" then Bond said "no she didnt, it just we get quarell because of the same problem, he never take care of me and stuff and he get quarell with my mum" i was like "what????your mum??" then he said "my mum very pissed and get so emotional", i know Bond worried for his mum, but i didnt ask any further, i just keep silent and i told him "please be strong..." hmphhhh i dunno wat to think or wat to feel, this is not the rite time for me to feel happy yet?coz im very scared when i too happy and he will come back to me and said "ga jadi pisah!" yeah yeah yeah...so now i hold my breath, hold my tounge, dun wan make anything worse, just pay attention to him and be around him...thats all. i really wish i can know the end of this soon...cross finger!

when STORM hit the ocean

2010-03-25T09:34:00.003+08:00

i was quite shocked, these past few days, Bond was like picking a fight with me, making small problem become big, and he was over sensitive with so many things, things that never bother us, become a problem now..i was feeling miserable, empty and lost!whats wrong with him!he was saying "i hate how you never change, how you always keep silent and avoid me when we got problem, i hate when you choose to use your mobile to talk to me when you have time to talk to me directly" and the next day he was saying "i love you so much, i know you do so many thing for me and for our relationship, i know i was always hurting u and put less effort in our relationship, im sorry, but i love you" and the next day "you still think about your boyfriend when you are with me, how could you do that?" and later on he will said "im sorry, you are the only one i love,im sorry always hurting you, im sorry im being harsh on you!"....i know something wasnt right, how angry he was and how unhappy he was, he always be a very calm guy, control his emotion and always be nice to me and talk everything in very stable mood...but he changed!something wasnt right!last nite i was asking whether he got problem in his house, n he said yes!BINGO!see...i just knew...i feel like he find an excuse to letting me go..then i text him i said "Bond, I love you, but if you were too heavy to having me around, i will go!i just want you to be happy with or without me. maybe when i go it will make your life easier. i felt that you been so harsh to me, i lost your love and affection, i feel miserable. I love you and if i do need to wait another decade, i will wait. i just want you to know and understand wat i feel". and later on he said "im sorry, i love, sorry to hurting you, i miss you" and at the middle of the night he came over to my house!i was shocked as he came walking with his foot!from his house..it tooks like 25 minutes to 30 minutes, thats madness!i was like feeling so touched for wat he did, no one every did that for me, he came and he hug me and he said he love me, nothing else, just giving me a warm hug and we slept until the dawn came. I didnt pursue further on whats going on in his family, i do wanna know...really wanna know, but i just scare it will came back like it used to be and my heart got bruised once again...so rite now what will i do is just sit, stay calm and wait for him to tell me whats in his mind and what he going to do.

qing tian...

2010-03-12T14:26:00.003+08:00

im sorry, but i dunno how to end this forbidden love, and he been treating me so good, giving me attention, take me out for dinner, we spent our last weekend together, having a very fast dinner at Tangie and on Sunday he took me out for brunch in Mak beng and at afternoon i company him finish his job at his office...
and i told him, that i get close with other guy,he very dissapointed n he said he feel sad, but i said i have no choice i want to move on too..and he make me promised to not ever left him anymore...i guess it was my bad, i dunno wat i want!

im wanting a child from him so bad and i was thinking when i do get pregnant i will leave him, i will not ask his responsiblity or watsoever, just wanna live in a peace with my baby... i know it sounds crazy, but at least i have his flesh and blood with me forever...
this sunday is our 1st anniversary, its not really our 1st lar, it just a symbolic..hahahahahha..so exicted and waiting for it!

Lollipop fooundation making a progress too, i was so proud of it, i know its only very tiny things, but at least i did something and be something for other person :)

anyway i still thinking to fill Angga position after he resign, but hmph i was in big dilemma, i dunno wat to choose.

One year ANNIVERSARY GIFT!

2010-02-25T11:36:00.004+08:00

I suppose to give this watch to Bond on 14th March 2010, but i just scared in that time, I will not meet him anymore, I scared if the time come and I need to leave him n this watch never delivered in person to him...thats y i gave it yesterday....he came n he said sorry n he hugged me, n im confused n feeling so sick but i cant say no, i cant ignore him....i dunno how to move on, i dunno wat I want....well I know wat I want, I want letting him go, let him fix his problem and if we really meant to be, I know by somehow, God will do us a favor and let us be together someday!but Im scared, Im too coward to move on, he know me so well, nothing that i ever hide from him and he was so understanding, taking all my bad mood and anger...

***

Last nite was madness...mas Bima was come to take ticket, Yudhi was visiting me too until almost midnite, and Oka was jealous coz he keep calling me few times and I didnt answer and i guess he abit take step back...

you are the reason that I live, isnt it?

2010-02-23T15:43:00.005+08:00

oh baby baby the reason that I live is you....isnt it?

***

agnes, his ex was emailing me and said that in her assumption Bond have very happy family, her cousin was told her that since he got married, he become more responsible, loving daddy, loving hubby...n Ima always tell to the church community how happy she was and how lucky and bla bla bla..i was SHOCKED!did they really have a happy family?am i really a home wrecker? i feel so sad, n im confused...and on saturday, he didnt text me at all...then at midnite he BBM said he was fall asick, dengue sympthom ...and on Sunday we didnt meet each other too, on Monday he went to gitgit and went home quite late at 7pm...and he got fever..i was so sick worrying for him!i asked him to went to doctor, but he didnt want, and we get quarell, hate it when he dun wan listen to wat i said, n i said im gonna compress him, n he dont let me! :"( i dun have other way than email his sister to at least tell his mum to take care Bond...at the nite, he bbm and said "im sick , how can we argue on get fight on things like this??i dont like if you force me do something that i dun wan to do!" I was like "OH MY GODDDD!U R SICK BADLY N U NEED TO SEE DOCTOR!!!" then i said "im exhausted, leave me alone, nite!". In the morning he came and said sorry, he asked me to not to get angry with him anymore! I know he love me so much, and i explain how hurts it was when agnes email me and inform me bout his family, he said "baby, i was with you all the time, how come you dont trust me?"...I only loved you and of course i being responsible to DHIKA,, thats all, n nothing such thing that IMA kesaksian di depan kebaktian pemuda, and kalo iya itu juga udah lamaaa bgt...then i drop the subject!

***

Bond at Kopitiam Renon

my BEST BRUTAL late valentine date....

2010-02-16T09:58:00.004+08:00

*us at blossom, 15.02.10

***

Tell me how can I not love Bond?although he is lame n not romantic at all, but I LOVE YOU SO MUCH CHERI!so he really kept his word, he take me out dinner to celebrate our late valentine :)...im so exicted, although it was pouring rain outside, luckily i bring my thick jacket came along...on the half way to the restaurant its rain so damn hardddd, his pants was wettttt and my dress too, thanks GOD i wearing mini dress, and my legs and foots was cover with muds...gheez, and after we arrived at HU'U , the security stop us, hahahhaa must be lah, coz we look so KUMEL N KUCEL....look freaking dirty!hahahahha but Hu'u was closed for wedding then straight we went to sentosa, then we was like "wowww.......nice place yeah?" n he hold my hands, and hug me and when finally we settle down in the restaurant and order, he smile, and i know i look so terible, ha9..i went to the restroom to fix my make up and clean the muds!we having the greatest nite ever, we talked so many things, shared few opinion, and he shared wat bothering him...he said he feel sad, that Ima come in no help...he said he was intend to find a wife with a good family with reputation and stabil economy to match his family, but when finally he got Ima, he really regret coz Ima didnt help anything, Ima never help his parents, i know that all this time, Bond mum always asked Bond to help make a powerpoint presentation, sumtimes i know that Bond is so damn busy but he still spare time for his mum, n i wondering y not Ima do that?he said that Ima come from rich family, she not suppose to help bond family in anyway, and they both have like this agreement or situation that Bond taking care his family and Ima taking care her family, wat????i tot after we get married, we taking care each other and taking care both sides of family, and yes woman should put his husband and his husband family on top priority, isnt it?thats y on the bible it said that HUSBAND is the head of the family, i really dunno how Bond family can like that kind of daughter in law?????well maybe she gave them DHIKA...sighhh.....i feel sad...i wish i can help in anything, help Bond and help his mum, i would like to, really love to help his mum preparing her presentation, but i didnt say that to Bond, i dun wan he think im an asskisser!n i asked whether he will feel heartbroken or angry if Ima got other guy?he said he too pissed of on wat Ima did (never taking care of their family), he dun really care wat happen to Ima, then he said, howcome you as a very busy working woman but you still commit your life to me, taking care of me and so on?then i said maybe you hurt her??maybe she got heart pain?then bond said did i ever hurt you?then i keep silent...i know i hurt you alot and i left you but you still love me and still being there for me?then i asked again "maybe she cant forgive you?"then bond said, did you forgive me after all the bad thing i did to you?" then i keep silent and asked why he keep comparing ima to me???then he said sorry, he didnt mean that way but it just that he dun understand wat Ima up to!then Bond said "did i ever tell you how many times she left home and go back to her parents??" then i said yes, you told me before but maybe she need time to think need her own space, you know girls rite, they always got upside down mood...then bond said yes maybe, i dunno, n i dun care, if she really want come back to her family then she free to go, i also never begging her to comeback!". Sigh.........well then we pay the bill, and when we walked to his bike, he hug me, n push me closer to his arms, and he put his arms on on my shoulder and hold my head and he kiss me...twice! :) im happpyyy..hahahahah i know i know its not my first kiss or watsoever but im just happy!then on the way back home, he said can u imagine if we held our wedding at sentosa, how much it will cost?then i said when i get married oneday, it will just a verrryyy simple and happy and romantic wedding, only 10 guests, 5 yours and 5 mine, and then he said any kind of wedding will cost so much, i said i dun wan wear that big heavy long wedding gown, i just want a simple white dress, no lace, no layer, no tail, just white dress, simple one, not a a wedding gown, no heavy make up, and my groom should be just in white shirt and long pants and a priest to legalize the wedding...thats all, and after the wedding ceremony on the beach, i just want have a dinner with my bestfrens..then he keep silent and then he said "OH GHEEZ, I GOT um angga and sally, thats 2, valeo n his gf, thats 4, and 2 of my high school friends thats 6 and my fren swastika with his gf, its 8 beb!" then i start laughhhhhh...then he add and my family too...i laugh out loud, i said "howcome u start to list down your guests????"hahahahha, its not like we r going to married tomorrow, hahahaha, then he said, how bout u?who u going to invite, before i answer he already list down frens of mine "cindy and bf, fira n husband, lina and kunti, thats 6" then i laugh then i said i need to invite nur too...its 7!so well then he said " DO YOU KNOW THAT WKP GOT 40 STAFF???"hahahahahha i said, lets limit it to 16 not more!hahahahaha, maybe we can just give them small cute cake said we r married..see, simple rite???and all we gonna do on our married day is having fun, laugh with frens, share the funny story bout us and just us, all bout us.... :) then finally he said "love you bebi" and i will reply "love you more!"..... :) :) :) that was my best date everrr... :)

here goes the VaLENTINE DAYS

2010-02-15T12:57:00.002+08:00

*first pic: card i made for cheri, second pic: chocolate cake that i order for cheri

So happy valentine my dear Bond, luv u always...well although still dissapointed he didnt get me anything and didnt spent time with me last nite coz he busy doing report of his bank to submit to BI today..sigh, but he taking me out tonite, anywhere i like..yeyeyeyeyyeye....im Happy!!!! :) and i send the chocolate cake this morning with cookies and he shocked, he happy and he said he dun wan eat it coz its beautiful, hahahahhaha..n the rocher i gave him yesterday also he dun want to eat that!madnessss...i know it must be mean the whole world for him!ckckckckckc..i luv u bebi...

4 days before valentine

2010-02-10T11:31:00.002+08:00

*valentine preparation :P

well im exicted for valentine, honestly,after a lame valentine i had every year...well now feel abit exicted....i made valentine cared bymyself..so proud!hahahahaha...feel like teengaer...but i do really excietd, these 9 years, i never celebrate valentine with Bond, he always have sum1 else, although until this minute we dun have any plan for valentine day, and he also didnt ask me to go dine out wif him..so sad! but well im happy :)

yesterday i was so pissed, im halfway making dinner (spaghetti bolognese) when suddenly he bbm and said he cant make it, coz need to send his mum to Jimbaran...i mean its okay to send his mum..hmph well i just feel sad coz i throw away d food..hiks..and i went to have dinner with nur and sanjay and then straight go singing with them n sony...and at 9 , he bbm, he asked where i am, i know he at our home and cant find me, i didnt reply. After i reached home, i saw his hand writing on my tissue box "luv u cheri", i feel bad...

this morning, he came to our home and brought a breakfast, n he show i fell a sick, n he hug me tight..and he said sorry..and asked whether i still mad wif him?i just hug him, he was so handsomeeee when he wearing his working outfittt!!!i was so amaze and always wan drag him to bed and hug him and announce to the world that he is mine!!!! i like when he whisper "luv u" .....

cindy and me dun make any good progress, i dun know which part i need to fix,this is my life, n im doing things what make me happy..i dun care bout IMA anymore!hmphhh....but i did send his present yesterday n i still love her, she like my sister, my soulmate ..feel sad when she cant understand!

Bond said since i visit him home when he fall asick, he prefer to sleep in the other room rather than sleep on his own room. coz it remind him of how im taking care of him when i sick... :) and he said he cant leave me, n he will never leave me n he make me promise that i will not just dissapear like he did to me!

I always get cranky everytime i cant see him, but once he go home i feel safe when he hug me n he said everything will be alrite.....

last monday, i go home quite late from office, coz im busy with stuffs, n i forgot that i need to go hum quick to prepare dinner for him coz he need to send Dika to doctor, i feel so guilty when i saw him eating cookies at hum, and when finally i finish cooked, he ate in in second...i think he realllyyy starving!feel so bad...and nur said "i dun think IMA will feel bad if she go home and late n cant prepare dinner for Bond" well i also wondering how come she dont feel like i did..weird!

Plus & Minus of BOND

2010-01-30T11:52:00.002+08:00

I Nyoman Putra Sukasana

Plus:

he is cute
he wear specs, make him look damn smart
and yes he is smart
he got nice eye lashes
good kisser
he is christian
he got 3 jobs
very well organized
he got NINJA(apa hubungannya?? :P )
he work in Social foundation n he devoted n like the job very much
he like all kind of my cooking
he is wise
he is understanding
he always have a good plan
he can manage his money and cash flow
he speak English very well
graduated from Bond University in Goldcoast
simple ordinary
love jazz
he got BREAD smell, which i like so much
he is charming
he is very damn sexy if wearing his working outfit :)
a very hardworker, working nonstop and never complaint!
he is very caring about my job n very supportive
he love DHIKa very much
he look so damn great when he holding DHIKa, so charminngg, speechlessss...
he respected his parent alot

Minus:

he not a very good when it comes to make a quick decision
always give in for other people happiness
over protectif
selfish
busy like hell, no time to spare

Collectible card n letter

2010-01-30T11:40:00.004+08:00

*first picture:collectible xmas, valentine card and love letter since i was 12 from friends, family and love one...

second picture: xmas card from chris...(miz him)

mIrror mIrror hanging on the wall, you dont have to tell who was the biggest fool of all!

2010-01-30T11:32:00.002+08:00

.... do i have enaugh courage to letting BOND go?

i dont know...am i going to be strong enaugh?

I just dont like how people judge me! specially people who close to me, like people who we called bestfriends...

what should i do, i know i will never find a man like him..i know it!im so sure!i will never ever can forget about him, n i dun want to forget him...

but things didnt get better, i feel sorry for Dhika..i feel he need his father, n i feel damn pissed with ima but if she really try to fix the family, i will take a step back!

maybe its time..

its hard..can i???

bye TEDDY...

2010-01-28T11:19:00.002+08:00

**little present for little cheri (bye teddy T.T) **

So i really have enaugh nerves to visit Dika, coz im sick worrying for him, thinking how bad can be his situation. i force adit to company me, he know im worried, my face was pale and i said, i dunno what u need to say when u meet Bond family, just lie, made up some excuse, you guys a good liar, isnt it?now use ur brain n give any excuse, said you are Bond fren and wat soever... when finnaly we reached the hospital, it was pouring rain, i waited on lobby, my heart was pumping so fast...n when adit take the lift to d room, i was thinking to go wif him...but then im afraid ima will recognize me n its not good for Dika, well then i sat on the couch n pray..then i take a walk on the alley...wondering what took adit so long...when finally he went down the staircase, he said "DIKA WILL BE OKAY, you dont need worry like that!", i said "oh ok...tell me, what happened?" , adit n me sat on the parking lot waiting for the rain to stop n he said so many thing, he said he met Bond mum, she very nice lady. Adit said that he was come for KSB team, and Bond mum suddenly talk about mbak Nirmala n mbak Sari, how was they were a good fren n bla bla bla. N Bond mum think Dika getting better, coz he dun have fever anymore and his trombosit is above d critical situation....n Adit said DIKA SEEMS CANT STAND TO PLAY and get down from bed, i was like "reallly???hahahahha..yeah i know how Dika so anxious to go down from bed and run along the alley!" (Bond told me before) then he said Dika will get better, n he mention that he met IMA. This is wat Adit describe bout IMA, "I think she was not some one who cruel enaugh to ignore her husband you know, and she seems very weak, I think if Bond leave her, she will crash!well overall she nice and polite..." then i was asking this stupid question "so I AM TOUGHER THAN HER?AND I AM MORE "GALAK" THAN HER?AND I AM STRONGER THAN HER?" Adit laugh n he said, "jauhhh nda" then Adit add "maybe because you were independent and i saw you at work, and you were like....yeah u know" ...well i know one thing, aku lebih galak n lebih kuat ketimbang ima!hahahahahahahhaha...i quite proud of myself although honestly i keep crying when Bond leave me to Salatiga...

at nite Bond bbm me and asked wat did i do the whole day, i said i visit Dika, n he shocked, he never think that I care so much for Dika, n when he know that i gave my favorite teddy away, he pertified, and he keep asking "seriousss??you give away the teddy?i tot u like it so much?" i said "yeah, the teddy means alot for me, but Dika is part of u, which make its part of me, so i guess he need it more than i do, n somemore i have BON BON, i will be okay" and he sent hug emotions to me and i can feel it, that he really hug me...

little one HOSPITALIZED again!

2010-01-25T11:44:00.004+08:00

argh!!!arrrgggh!!!!rrrrrrrrrr!!!wats wrong wif bond n Ima???

Dika hospitalized!again!!!!yesss...it just another 2 or 3 weeks he been discharge by prima medika hospital because of stomachache, now he was hospitalized again!wat a ??????i know i knowwww.....im furious, panic, n confuse, i dunno wat to do...bond still in Salatiga, n i wanna help, but how???i only can pray for little one...sighhh... T.T im so sad, he always visit the doctor, once in a week, Dika was more worse than me! i really cant think straight some more i just got terible nite n morning...n suddenly bond drop me this news! wish i can visit Dika, n bring him some healthy food, and pray for him, n bring him toys! i dont know..............aaaaaaaaaaaaaaargggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!

wats wrong with them, i mean with bond n ima, they cant take care Dika!!!!!!if they cant take care Dika better i take over! :( feel so sad......

***

Last nite i went crazy, i think its becoz i miz Bond so much, n i act lunatic, i keep scold him, keep screamin, n get easily emotional!i went to cinema with nur, sanjay, n sony then when i reach home i cant find him!i called, i text, i bbm but no answer, im panic, i tot he was sick....then he just reply at 10. I dun wanna talk, i said i pissed, i said how come he went dinner n didnt tell me(now im act so childish, isnt it) i dunno i lost my mind...then i cried, Ninin said "winda, you lack of love, thats what made you care so much to other people around you...but inside you need more love!" i guess she was rite..then Bond called, he said he sorry n we talked abit then he went sleep...i cant sleep, so many things bothering me, i talk to sally (angga wife), she seems curious bout me n my cheri, she keep asking who is cheri, i didnt say a word, then she keep asking how i met bond, n how we date and end up our relationship...and so on then finally when we get into deeper conversation, she told me that last december Ima was trying to call Angga, n Ima text to Angga said that "Sanna dari dulu pacaran mpe merid ga pernah berubah, masih suka selingkuh aja"...IM SHOCKED!so she know!but WHY?why she didnt do somethingggg????is it because she love bond so much until she can forgive him or is it because she dont care bout bond anymore??and why on earth BOND DIDNT TELL ME???!!!

I cant sleep all night long!i tried to called bond, but he asleep, in the morning i talk to him, i called him, and i ask him wat was happening, n how come he never tell me!n he said that i got so many things on my mind, n he wan his family problem become his own problem, he dun wan make me worry!well i guess i have my own family problem to solve, but at least i need to know, and he said, Ima know that Bond got another girl, but she doesnt know that the girl is me... and Bond said Ima try to mend her false and try to fix their family, i was like "wattt???", coz i remember i promise my self if ima wan fix their family, i will leave!but then Bond said "but i didnt need to explain how she try to fix it rite?u can see it through ur own eyes isnt it?". well ummm yess...maybe she doesnt know how to be a housewife, maybe sum1 should tell her how to manage her family n her house?..and Bond add "i cant lose you, you know that, you are part of me!u r my wife, n u know how to treat me like ur husband, and u r my only happiness" and i keep silent, i dunno wat to say, i told him, we will discuss it later when he reach home..coz the distance will make everything worse!

do you remember?

2010-01-25T11:44:00.003+08:00

Do you remember when we first met?

I sure do

It was some time in early September

Though you were lazy about it, you made me wait around

I was so crazy about you, I didn't mind

So I was late for class, I locked my bike to yours

It wasn't hard to find, you'd painted flowers on

Guess that I was afraid that if you rolled away

You might not roll back my direction real soon

Well, I was crazy about you then and now

The craziest thing of all, over ten years have gone by

And you're still mine, we're locked in timeLet's rewind

Do you remember when we first moved in together?

The piano took up the living room

You played me boogie-woogie I played you love songs

You'd say we're playing house now you still say we are

We built our getaway up in a tree we found

We felt so far away though we were still in town

Now I remember watching that old tree burn down

I took a picture that I don't like to look at

Well all these times they come and go

And alone don't seem so long

Over ten years have gone by

We can't rewind, we're locked in time

But you're still mine

Do you remember?"

* SONG BY : Jack Johnson

***

I LOVE This song very much, everytime i heard the song, I will smile and i will told myself "I remember" and the memory was suddenly flash back...the first chat in MIRC 10 years ago, the first visit to my house, the first call, the first picture, the first date, the first kiss...10 years...and i will sing "lets rewind..." and i remember the first time we moved in together, we went shopping, n he put the mirror on the wall..

:) :) :)

miz him so bad, wish i can hug him..he went to salatiga yesterday...i feel so blue and suddenly the sky become grey and my tears all over my face! i always get up early morning, wish he will come and said gud morning and bring breakfast for me, and i will so cheer up go to office and finish up my work and as fast as I can to go home and prepare dinner and meet him, and I will tell him wat was happening in the office, and what things i have done in Office, and he will do the same, he will hug me from behind when i still cooking and i will turn around, n he will kiss my forehead and he will said "ummmm....yummy" then he will tell me what happened in his office and sit down on the dinning area and open take his fave peanut and ate it....

i miz everything bout him!

when you have to choose between potatoes and watermelon...

2010-01-23T11:28:00.002+08:00

i love the tittle of this post, ha9..so Bond take me out for a date last nite, we like so exicted..although we were busy like hell, exhausting till our last breath, but we just wan spend some good quality time together before he going to salatiga...

so we went to cinema watching Ninja Assasin, this movie was bloodyyyyy...flying flesh, part of people body, and head cut, hand cut..oh my God, but its exicting and we really enjoying our time..love how much he always hold my hand along the movie... :) n he said he will take me out for dinner tommorow.... im so happy :)

anyway the actor of ninja assasin is Rain (the korean drama actor), he like got so potatoes tummy aka six pack tummy..and i was comparing with Bond tummy..hahahahah..n he said to me " do u think i can be ninja somedya, well u know i ride ninja, maybe one day..." and i said " maybe after u turn ur watermelon to potatoes then u can think bout it again, mean while if u still have that tummy better kick away that imagination!" ha9..we both laugh out loud!

i always like being around him... :) :) :) feel so relieved, so comfortable, feel many amazing things that I cant describe...

little chat

2010-01-19T15:25:00.001+08:00

Participants:-------------<3B¤17d_g4L<3 , BonD

Messages:---------
<3B¤17d_g4L<3 : Ini ke atas lg bt lunchBonD: BebiiiiBonD: Lg ngapain?<3B¤17d_g4L<3 : Lg<3B¤17d_g4L<3 : Liat anak2<3B¤17d_g4L<3 : Naek canoe<3B¤17d_g4L<3 : Seruuuu<3B¤17d_g4L<3 : Ak cmn memandangi<3B¤17d_g4L<3 : Km lg apa<3B¤17d_g4L<3 : Kangeeeennn<3B¤17d_g4L<3 : IMG01097-20100116-1441.jpg ( 58.91KB )BonD: Bebi kok ga ikut?<3B¤17d_g4L<3 : Gak<3B¤17d_g4L<3 : Ak ga bw clana<3B¤17d_g4L<3 : Bw rok smuaBonD: Apa msh skt?<3B¤17d_g4L<3 : BetterBonD: Wah enak sekaliBonD: Bebi msh skt?BonD: Uda minum obt lg?<3B¤17d_g4L<3 : Blm<3B¤17d_g4L<3 : Udh mndgn<3B¤17d_g4L<3 : Ngmg2<3B¤17d_g4L<3 : Dsni bnyl lalay<3B¤17d_g4L<3 : Lalat<3B¤17d_g4L<3 : N bugssss<3B¤17d_g4L<3 : I hate bugsss<3B¤17d_g4L<3 : Km lg apa?<3B¤17d_g4L<3 : KangeeenBonD: Oya banyak lalat yaBonD: Trus gmn?BonD: Lg tdr2anBonD: Kangen kamu<3B¤17d_g4L<3 : Do u mis me<3B¤17d_g4L<3 : ?<3B¤17d_g4L<3 : Really<3B¤17d_g4L<3 : Pgn dpeluk dr blkgBonD: IyaBonD: ({})BonD: Bangettttt<3B¤17d_g4L<3 : Peluk donk<3B¤17d_g4L<3 : Dr blkgBonD: KangennnnnnBonD: ({}). Dari belakang<3B¤17d_g4L<3 : MwaaaaaahhhhBonD: Kangennnnnnn<3B¤17d_g4L<3 : I miz u<3B¤17d_g4L<3 : So badBonD: SamaBonD: MwahhhhhhhhBonD: Bebi jangan ujan2an yaBonD: Bebi lg ngapain?<3B¤17d_g4L<3 : Br msk kmr<3B¤17d_g4L<3 : Iya ujan<3B¤17d_g4L<3 : Kok km tau?BonD: Bebi ama sapa kamarnya?BonD: Tau donkBonD: Kan keliatan di kuku akuBonD: B)<3B¤17d_g4L<3 : Booonggggg<3B¤17d_g4L<3 : Ma bayuBonD: Kok boonkBonD: Keliatan lgBonD: Tp kamarnya beda kan?<3B¤17d_g4L<3 : Ga<3B¤17d_g4L<3 : 1kamar<3B¤17d_g4L<3 : Bayu di kamar mandi<3B¤17d_g4L<3 : Ak di kmr tdurBonD: Oya?BonD: Tp wajar sihBonD: Kan sesuai jabatan<3B¤17d_g4L<3 : Ha9<3B¤17d_g4L<3 : Gak lah<3B¤17d_g4L<3 : Ma mbk nurBonD: Salam ya ama mbak nurBonD: Oh okBonD: Nitip pesen jagain istrikuBonD: Jangan di gerayanginBonD: Authorised person only yang bolehBonD: bond only yang boleBonD: Hahahahaha<3B¤17d_g4L<3 : Gila ya kamuuuu!!!!<3B¤17d_g4L<3 : =))

Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone from Sinyal Bagus XL, Nyambung Teruuusss...!

the THIEF was D fren i was tot i have

2010-01-19T15:10:00.002+08:00

oh GHEEZZZZZ...can u imagine, after the incident, the boss calling police, exactly all of us had already suspect Irwan was the thief, it was so shocking, coz he was one of us, fren of us, brother for us, and a work partner for us, but everything happened so quick, i still cant believe wat was happening...the boss was introgate the staff one by one, start wif me, nur, irwan n bayu, then no body admit took the laptop. and the boss get pissed and called the police and the first person he called was IRWAN, n not even 5 minute mbak nir tell all of us, irwan had admit that he stole the laptop, wat a fuck man? I was like "HAHHHHH???????????" he was fooling wif everyone...
I remember, few days back i was talked to cheri, n i was said "its weird u know, i feel like Irwan is a liar, i dun think sumbody really robbed him and he lost everything, coz everything so coincidence, and um his bb status keep changing, how come a person who lost his bb can change his status in any condition although he had backup his phone contact?" n i remember discuss it with him but we end up thinking without a solution, n d nex day i was told nur about my curious...n nur had d same feeling like me....and everything like so connecting now, how i can lost my money few months back...i mean he show how care he was to everyone of us, but its never cross my mind he will do that to everyone of us?!!i still in BIG SHOCKED!
when i reach hum i told Bond wat was happening and he was SHOCKED too...n both of us ate our dinner silently, dun have anything to say, we r too shocked. after d dinner, i feel more relax, i sat on his lap and discuss other thing, i show him pictures i took on outing...

freaky MONDAY...

2010-01-18T14:10:00.004+08:00

wat will u do, if you arrived to d office and one of the office laptop was gone!

the laptop was put next to urs laptop, but ur laptop just stay still....

SHOCKED was everyone feel right now, and the most bizzare things is the stealer was leaving d duplicate keys he/she made outside the BOSS room..

it was the 2nd time happened this kind of STEALING problem since the first time i worked in KSB!i really feel like the BAD GUY was someone between the BUilding team...

I remember i was so shocked, petrified and feel so sad when i lost 1,5 million of office money, and i need to return almost a million to the office, it was like hmphhhh....great!

now its happened again! i mean what was this all about?

is it the stealer really among us?

i feel so paranoid to left my thing unattended rite now!feel not comfortable to left my table although for a few minutes...

really wish my BOSS really take this to police, and start rite now i will extra be careful with my personal belongings, nowhere were safe anymore!I cant imagine how pissed my both BOSSES, we just have a great weekend, have a terrific sunburn, have a very amazing photo shooting, and lots of fun, suddenly this thing happened, its like ruining all d perfect weekend...feel bad, feel sorry, feel so pissed, feel uneasy and everything was mixed!really hope they can catch the BAD GUY, i know it seems the laptop will hardly to return back to us but at least this thing will not happened again!

***

me?well like i said, i think i have a great getaway weekend with d whole team minus Irwan, i really love the villa and think to come back again one day! It was so awesome and beautiful, i wish I can stay longer! and when I finally home, i realised how much i miss Cheri, Bon2 n my so full room...Cheri was visiting me when i reached home yesterday, he not stay too long coz he need to go church! and nite i went dinner wif adit, and share few story. He said "Nda how come you always come and go?" i feel like, "HUH, REALLY?"

well chin yu still making no progress, just a few phone calls, text everyday, but that doesnt mean anything and i didnt expect much...

***

I remember Cheri once told me, he said he will finish his problem with his family, end everything up, and be together with me if i would fix my relationship with my mum, and now i try to make up with my mum, n it seems he did nothing, well like wat i always can predict, he only TALK TALK TALK!promised me and things but never really see the thing is goin to happen! :( sianzzzz......

waiting for d ROMEO....

2010-01-18T13:17:00.002+08:00

*I luv this picture very much, it just really pictured what i felt right now...

a letter for an EX FREN!

2010-01-14T15:17:00.005+08:00

tell me how to call you sister n soulmate and bestfriends, iF what u did is only hurt me n make me cry?I cant see the diffrent between u n the rest of people who always push me to the corner and always think that they were the MOST RIGHT person????wat makes you diffrent with my mum?and everyone else?you just judge me like im a stranger for u, but u knew the whole full story, how could u say that thing to me???where is ur FUCKING HEART????i never ever made you cry, but in few months you always saying hurt thing and made me cry!how can I you my bestfriend?no!!!!!im so speechless...I WILL SAY ANYTHING THAT I WANT, but anything i said i always consider ur feeling....I CAN ALWAYS SAY A BAD THING BOUT YOU!BUT IM NOT!!!
how could you did this to me?

how fuck up my condition you suppose to be there for me!not to nag and tease me and always give a bad opinion! so wat?so wat if i am the word u told me??so wat?????????

this is not right!!!ii trust you, i trust you in everything, i always tell you how i feel, but u came up with this word???!!!!

IF LOSING YOU, OR ANY MEMBER OF MY FAMILY OR ANY FREN LEFT THAT I GOT WILL MAKE ME FEEL PEACE, I DONT MIND! so LEAVE ME AND DONT STAY IN TOUCH WIF ME!
WISH THE HAPPINESS LIKE FAIRY TALE FOR YOU N UR BOYFRIEND!
JUST KEEP IN MIND THAT NOT EVERYONE HAVE A LUCKY LIFE LIKE YOU DID!

shOCKed!!!uang dapur :)

2010-01-14T12:41:00.004+08:00

Oh my God, i found this money on my wallet when i want to pay my fresh fruits.

its 500,000 rupiah..im so running out blood....n i knew this money must Cheri gave one.

He must put on my wallet when i was cooking on kitchen...im feeling to cry now, :'(

now tell me, how can im not love him? He did tell me wan give me a pocket money for me to spend

and yes for buy kitchen needs...but i tot he was kiding! petrified...

when i was opening my purse, I was like taking out the 5,000 to pay the fresh fruit then I was like "hmph...how can I mixed my office money wif mine?this 100 notes suppose to be on yellow money case" weird, then i opened the yellow money case, the 100 note still there. then I was like "WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WHO MONEY IS THIS???" then i was give an idiot face and still holding the money at my hand and asking nur "Hey, why there got so many money on my wallet yeah?"....then i was like bulb just get electric "TING!!!", ah must be bond, noone else will put money on my wallet except him :)...impressive...

I Nyoman Putra Sukasana

2010-01-14T10:34:00.005+08:00

I Nyoman Putra Sukasana

Denpasar, 17 April 1983

Head Division on micro development of Wahana Kria Putri (WKP)

170cm

80kgs

Bachelor of Ecommerce from Bond University

* fave food : RAWON, :)

* nick name: Bond, Cheri, There, Sapi :)

* Dad : Mr. Sukadana

*Mom : Mrs. Murni

* Sister : Sukasari

* Side job: Pengawas of BPR SIWI, and i think the other one is Pengawas of DBB

* Husband of: Winda Maria :) hahahhahaha...

* personality: stubborn, hard to please, dilligent, smart, attractive, down to earth :)

* Best friend of: Angga Sanjaya

virtual vanity

2010-01-14T10:23:00.002+08:00

so i was reading this reader digest january edition, and this article was quite intresting, the tittle is "virtual vanity", at first i didnt understand what the tittle refers to, so it was talking bout people who very vein and crazy enaugh to google them selves..so i was like?really?u can really google ur self?how famous are we?
so i was took my bb and start to type "sanna" and its came up sanna bay in UK, ha9, then i add wkp, so "sanna wkp" and guess wat automatically this blog was came on the top of the page...ha9..
then i changed it to um, putra sukasana, so it came up cheri facebook, friendster.
then i changed it to winda maria, and i untick windy, only winda, it came out my twitter, my facebook, this blog, and also KSB website...wowwwww..greatt!its fun well um i think its alittle bit vein for people who google their self..hahahahaha..but its addicted man, wakakakakka.....
so i would like to write down few names of my ex's name on next post..hahahahhaha :)

when finally you can say GRACE for things that u have right now

2010-01-12T10:40:00.003+08:00

on earlier before the Git Git trip, Lollipop Foundation was visited a specialised school for blind children...
Dani Yuliadi, Riva Olii, Dr. Victor Tandean and myself was donated 50 school bags to the childrens..
we were so exicted and the children was very fun, they keep smiling and laugh and i know deeply they all very happy.
one of them, I cant remember the name was singing for us, madu and racun, it was very sweet of him...
by somehow these children really touched me, they very brave and not worry for their future. They didnt complain , didnt show a sad face to us, I remember the first time i visited them, one of them want become a ARMY JENDRAL...that was awesome...should be happy for them, all that they need was only a friend...
here are some picture from the charity..

*Dani give the school bag for the boy

*the girls

*me distributed the bags

*Riva giving the bag

*the boy who singing "MADU DAN RACUN" for us

***

Big thanks for Lord JC, Kita Satu Bali, Jimmy Setiadi and everyone else for the support :)

the other side of Bali

2010-01-12T10:12:00.003+08:00

Lollipop Foundation on 2009 was humbly to present few of our project...
Cindy Cayadi, Fira Karim n myself was interested to help few children on north of Bali,
the place was called GitGit village at Singaraja..it took 2 hours drive from Denpasar..
with help from WKP foundation, all the donation was distributed to the needed children.
Almost 150 new books and few bags were donated to SDN 2 gitgit library and few children around the village...
we need to walk (we called it off road) :) around 30 to 40 minutes to go to 1 of the villagers house, it was in the middle of nowhere..impressive, i dont really know how they can survive, and the vice principal was telling me that some of the children was stayed behind the hill, they need to cross it over everyday to go to the school, n it take 2 hours walk with FEET...wat a tough children they are...and few teenager who just finished their primary school cant continue to junior high because of the family economy...i would like to help them...i still figuring out how to ask few people help to create a better world for them...hope in this year, i can realised their dream to continue studying...
so here are few pictures was taken on GITGIT journey...

*Sanna (representative of WKP) give book to the librarian

*the class room

*Cindy Cayadi hand over bag to one of the villager boy

*the off road journey (big thanks to Pak Wayan n Angga)

* J and Cee Cayadi taking few pictures as documentation (@villagers house)

***

Big thanks for Kita Satu Bali for the supports and Wahana Kria Putri for everything that made this charity happened :), and praise our lord, Jesus for his blessings :)

HATE IT PART2

2010-01-08T09:19:00.004+08:00

sighhh...he really didnt making any effort at all!damn him!!!!fuck fuck fuckkkk!!fuck you very much!he really take me for grantedddd!!he thinks that if i get pissed n so freaking angry he dont need to come home, save up his energy n time har???damn you!fucking MORON!!!!!!

hate him!hate him to the coreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!
arghhhh...

"masih marah ya nda?knapa c diemin aku lama2 nda?"

that is all best you can do?????PUSSSSSYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!

sighhhh...inhale exhale inhale exhalllleeeee....
duhhh...pagi2 dah cursing!

shit man!

***

Chin yu making progress, or not!

i dont know, last november he make a quite fast move and suddenly its went back to ZERO...
he kept call me these past few days, and yes he called yesterday at noon, remind me to have lunch n stuff..
and in the nite he visit me :)
we catch up few little thing...
n he look cute like usual :)
n he take me out for dinner in ayam tulang lunak
n we ate alotttt...n full!
well hmphh..but i think i lost the spirit to find true love!
pathetic!

***
so its another raining friday...
Sianz..

***

well today im gonna upload chin yu picture
(steal from his fb)

d left one

just us

2010-01-06T15:38:00.001+08:00

02.01.2010

blush

2010-01-06T12:08:00.002+08:00

So El was taking me out to met her new beau, Alex.

We met Alex at warung german to have dinner, n there we met Tony, Alex n El fren too.

he was sat next to me, n he really cute, n he really smart too..

he was doing his internship in Jakarta for Mercedes Benz, n El told me he was sold 3000 unit in a year...gheezzzzz.i love smart people, they were like so damn sexy if they got genius brain! he told me he was going back to Jakarta next wednesday and return back for good to German next month...

well there he goes, my fling...my tuesday nite fling...

El said she is getting married this year too..

oh man COME ON, does everybody get married this year????

hikssss....well honestly im happy for everyone of them..

im good, im cool...

yeah yeah..

end year holiday wif HUNBUN

2010-01-05T16:43:00.003+08:00

morning breakfast @ Bali deli

crazy gals @ Hard Rock Hotel

nite @ center stage

dinner @ Take

2010...

2010-01-05T15:44:00.004+08:00

HAppy new Year To all frens...

whoa its 2010..

can believe how i still can survive and breath n smile and feel the warmth of this earth!

well this year my new year resolution are:

1. rent a house , my own house... :) :) :)

2. get closer to GOD

3. attending all important wedding, engagement, proposal and tetek bengek that been hold by my bestfriends, fira n cindy

4. be a tough OPERATIONAL MANAGER in KSB

5. get a mandarin/ japanese/ salsa course

n yes my deadline for BOND is end of this year!

like wat mbak nir said "separate or together for good

well i didnt do much on new year eve, exactly I Slept all night long hahahahaha..

at 2nd Jan, Bond was taking me to Candidasa, Karangasem, we had so much fun, riding his ninja (130km/hour), and laugh and i remember i was feeding this candy into his nose...n he scream..hwhahahahaha...

and we had lunch... n great day and end up i get sunburn on my chest and face...

wanna share few things that i found bout cheri...

*he confess to me when first time he saw my nick as INCOGNITO_GIRL, he was so interested coz he like incognito too

*he sweat like i mean likeeee likee bloody flood when sleep..hahahahhahhaha...

*he snore too, loud one

i think thats all for now

oh yeah christmas...

he bought me a juice jar..oh my GOD!i was wanting that juice jar so bad, n i remember how he said "no, i dun need it" but yet he bought for me!so happy..i was petrified when i saw it!

n i bought him helmet n boxer...ha9

B.A.B.Y?

2009-11-02T13:02:00.003+08:00

I think im goin insane, am i??i dunno, you tell me..last friday, bond was asked me to go have dinner with him, when he almost ready to go, i was asking "would you like to have another child" he said "yes, but first we need to solve our problem, dont you think so". the asnwer really dissapoint me, i was hoping he said YES without BUT!i wan have my own child so bad, i dunno y, although i know i should have more responsible, a good home, well paid salary and stuff...n i only want a child from bond...i dun wan from anyone else...i mean "how we gonna solve the problem?" its a dead end, always a dead end.i feel so sad, and i cried...i want have my own family too, how i wish he never left me every night and he feel home when he goin to my place!i try my best keep the place clean and tidy, keep the place comfortable enaugh, always try to bought dinner if he went home late, although i prefer to cook for him but at this moment, that thing was still imposible to do, but im planning to bought a fridge and microwave...
okay im being out of control...
i just wan a normal life, can i??a normal housewife with my own husband, a comfy home and a daughter!sigh why it is so damn hard....i hate my life!i hate bond!!!i hate how he never take me as priority!!!!!!!i hate how he control my life and yet i cant control his!!!!!!arggghhhhhhhh lalalalalalalalalaa nananananannaa......im goin crazy!
well cindy was right, i just being unreasonable and a selfish girl, how can i afford to have baby?who gonna take care my little one when i was working?and i was trying to make a new problem!hell , why everyone think baby is a probleemmmmmmmmmmmmmm????lalalalalalalla well i dunno...
bond not really taking good care of me, honestly!
he never care how am i going to have my dinner, well i shouldnt always pretend i am a wonderwoman!its a bad idea!!!!!!im fragile and i always keep losing my head to think straight!
and I HATE THE WAY HE TALKED TO ME IN HIGH TONE! one day i will leave him for that!i will leave him like i leave wilson coz he always SHOUT at me!sigh!!!i hate being in LOVE, IT MAKES U BLIND, U DUN KNOW WHICH ONE IS RIGHT AND WHICH ON IS WRONG!!!!i should make myself not to fall in love again!

lets do little crazy things

2009-10-29T11:56:00.003+08:00

today is a crap day, sigh...
i give a simple instruction, it pissed me off when my colleagues cant follow them. I asked them to ontime pick me u at 8.45, coz today we have many things to do... and yet i dunno where they were at 9.05, finally i decided to take cab!after arrived at office on a high tone, one of the colleagues told me, i was acting childlish...and he want to have a briefing..wat a hell?!

shit, i really need a holiday i guess, too much work can kill me in no time.
i really enjoy the adrenaline rush, the environment, but lately my expenses also grow higher...and the salary quite chocked me!

um...El was introducing me with a guy, name Bima, called him mas Bima, he is balinese, IDA BAGUS, shocked me when i found out, he is 38, hindu and a professional athlete of paraglide, he won alot of championship!he reallllly nice...he treat me like a princess....hwahahahha...i feel happy!i mean he always have time for me, always asking me go dine with him, n he always took me to famous restaurants, and coz he know that im not willing to go out only two of us (respect to BOND, no date, no dine out with a single guy), he will always asked el and guruh to company us...so i will feel comfortable...he really a good guy...feel sorry how his previous gf treat him!honestly i was moved by his sincerity, but my heart belong to BOND, and i even cant share 1% of my heart to anyone!

These few days i think alot, i always get furios on how little time he spend with me...and yet we have so many things to share, so many things to talked about, so many things to do, so many thing to discuss and plan... :(, he been busy with his new project "100% strawberry" and with dika, and his mom and his dad...sigh..i always get the most little time of 24 hours he have everyday...wanna make a riot!!!we never go date anymore, never dine out to a fine dining restaurant, never go watch movie, never go shopping, feel sad! I know he love me and always find way to meet me everyday, but am i being selfish if i insist more ???more time???
and um...2 days ago he gave me a million to pay my rent fee, i was shocked, and after he left i was crying at my room, feel so happy, feel how he been taking care of me and taking responsibility of me, I was quite stressed few days back just to think i will move from my place coz i cant afford it this month, i got so many unexpected expenses this months.... hiksss. and yet he always have way to cheer me up!

i really wanna have a proper date, can dress up, make up, do crazy little things and go dine and have a full day with him, but i never have a chance...and he always refuses my proposal to go holiday together...

by your side...

2009-10-20T13:53:00.002+08:00

After a long cold war, an exhausted mouth bithcing and lunatic thingking, all i need to just be on bond side. Honestly he knew me better than anyone else...and he still amaze me on how he have diffrent thought on every problem that I got, it was so comfy when i share things that irritated me and he was there listening, giving his opinion without pushing me to follow his thought!
wat happened last nite, he was hugging me , telling funny job that he had right now, telling how he miss me and telling jokes...n when he look through into my eyes and kiss my forehead, i know i will always be his only baby...no doubt!
he told me once, how he was trying to find way to reach me after he get married!
and it took her almost 2 years to have a courage to finnaly mail me..

btw i bought him 8310 curve...as a gift!he was so happy until he didnt change the bunny girly themes i used on the curve...

oh yeah, yep he finally gave me javelin 8900 as birthday present!love bond so much!

and well yes i did shop alot for him lately...hwahahahha n he keep saying "dun u think u need to save ur money?"

i bought him diesel t shirt, burberry shirt, and made him batik shirt for work...

oh again he bought me new tv antenna (fyi, it didnt work) after the cold war, sesajen...hwahahahaahhahaha...

then next month we r planing to buy a new helmet for him...

anyway like yola said, he always be the sweet "cat" guy for me, i cant take my eyes from his smile and his chubby face...ckckckckckck....

the other side of PADANG (after the earthquake tragedy)....

2009-10-20T13:37:00.005+08:00

all pictures credit to Paulus Bei who went to Padang as volunteer...

After the earthquake at Padang only heart pain, tears, losing loves one and nightmare was left..

3

2009-09-25T15:22:00.001+08:00

Far Away

2009-09-25T14:51:00.002+08:00

Dear Bond " i forgive you for being far away fo so long"

This time,
This place
Misused,
Mistakes
Too long too late
Who was I to make you wait
Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case there's just one left'
Cause you know, you know, you know

I love you
I've loved you all along
I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me and you'll never go
Stop breathing if I don't see you anymore

On my knees, I'll ask Last chance for one last dance
'Cause with you, I'd withstand
All of Hell to hold your hand
I'd give it allI'd give for us
Give anything, but I won't give up
'Cause you know, you know, you know

That I love you I loved you all along
And I miss you Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming
you'll be with me and you'd never go
Stop breathing if I don't see you anymore

So far away So far away
far away for far too long
So far away So far away
far away for far too long

But you know, you know, you know
I wanted I wanted you to stay
'Cause I neededI need to hear you say
I love you I loved you all along
And I forgive you For being away for far too long
So keep breathing 'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it Hold on to me,and never let me go
Keep breathing 'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it hold on to me never let me go
Keep breathing hold on to me, never let me go
Keep breathing hold on to me, never let me go

bond!

2009-09-25T14:08:00.000+08:00

summer holiday

2009-09-25T14:01:00.002+08:00

credit to Jess C..
cindy n winda
ptitenget beach august 2009

"place to hide"

2009-09-25T13:56:00.000+08:00

If you're lonely any time

You can talk to me

When you've trouble on your mind

I will always be

Here to shield you from it all

The best way that I can

Anything you want from me
Call me day

Call me night

Call me anytime

You need someone to hold you
The tears in your eyes,

Will be gone They will dry A

nd if you still find that you can't face the world outside

Let me be your place to hide
I could always lie to you If that's what you need

Tell you live is never cruel

And people never leave

But love is not always kind

And hearts break all the time

And even if I'm far from you
Call me day

Call me night

Call me anytime

You need someone to hold you
The tears in your eyes,

Will be gone They will dry

And if you still find that you can't face the world outside

Let me be your place to hide
Little corner of the world is what I give to you

Someway you can't find some peace and understanding

Life can be so sweet
Call me day

Call me night

Call me anytime

You need someone to hold you
The tears in your eyes,

Will be gone They will dry

And if you still find that you can't face the world outside

Let me be your place to hide

Let me be your place to hide...

walk to the past

2009-09-25T13:08:00.003+08:00

miz writing to my blog..it tooks so long, i think its been 3 or 4 months..
many things were happened..
i called off my engagement after a long fight, a stupid wasting time.
Heart was pain, seems i was lost my mind, cant run and cant hide...
im glad cindy and fira was there for me at that time..
and BOND was back in to my life...
yes after a long separation, after the on off relationship, after the missing part and after cursing the destiny and time and distance, he's back...same like 8 years ago, he still the same bond i knew...
he was the one who stole my heart, mirc took us drown into love sea..
hahahahaha..i was 16 or 17 back then...
i remember he always called me from goldcoast, i was in spore...we having so much fun, and when he said he love me, everything changed!
i remember when i was 14, wulan was admiring him so bad, she will always pinch me when bond walk past by, and i always get pissed and i said "wats wrong with u, wat did u see from that kind of guy??" hahahahaha, and i remember how he was dating dian, and agnes and that two girls always curse another girl behind the other back...crazy things!
well i miz the old time, i wish i can turn back time and just be the shadow or spirit seeing everything back forward and see how we end up in this way.
how can i forget him?sighhh...
still deeply in love...he was the one and the only one who understand me...
he always have a way to talk to me
and he was my everything, i was fight for him, stand next to him, but shits happen!
and here we are, back to beginning..
these past 3 months were so much different, i found out he was not the same, guy always change, isnt it?
in 8 years we never get into a fight, never!
and now we always and always fight becoz other guy, he always get so pissed, get jealous to every guy, its not make sense, he was so protective, and yet he didnt do anything bout our relationship...if he dun wan any guy come other me, he should put a ring on me...
gheez...
but he still the same bond, the same man who always so passionate and he was loving...

***

do i have rights to get pissed when it was birthday, he was dissapear, apalogy with excuses, and i was so dissapointed.. i didnt expect a diamond or things, but dun u think at least he said happy birthday, asked me to go out dine with him?and at least he bought me a flower as a gift. i didnt mean to compare anyone, but my ex fiancee do better than him, wilson who not the romantic guy, and the one who never care bout anything but he makes effort! he asked me to spend my birthday with him, he took me to kamsut, n he kissed me on forehead, and at night he took me dinner to tratoria, i remember...and we spend the whole afternoon in klungkung holding hands watched motorbike modification contest....
i shouldnt compare them....
but im upset!

***

elke was brain washing me, she said bond was supposed to be more responsible bout me, he suppose to pay my rent fee and he should pay all dinner bill, and she said i dun need to be pretending like a wonder woman, coz im not.
well, i was live quite enaugh, i can afford every expenses for myself, i dun understand why i need to be other person burden, but sumtimes i feel like bond dont feel any responsibility to me..but im not sure whether the responsible stuff can be measure from the financial things..
well i do admit, i moved out bcoz of him, and everything i went through also becoz of him, and um..he was giving his supports.well hmpphh...
and after a long debate with my mind, i come in conclusion all guys are all the same!

in charge of addicted

2009-06-04T15:55:00.002+08:00

in really big DILLEMA again..
i dun know what to say,wat to feel, wat to think, i dun have anyone to talk to.
I know I was wrong in the first place. offering a friendship, but i tot we could end that way.
now everything feel so deep, so tiring, coz we back at wat we facing 9 years go...
frustating still having a same questions. where do i stand?
suka was rite, both of us a selfish creature, no1 from us admited that we r too scare to being lonely and we end up miserable.
Never curse the destiny, but i curse for the human nature..
after a long separation, a wedding, a baby born, an a few email n text n phone call, i tot i will be his fren only. i tot we have a very diffrent way now, but it was out from my plan. he deeply involve in my life, encourage me, being there for me, having dinner with me, being a shoulder for me to lean on and being such a gud listener...
n IM STill consider him as fren only..
but when he tell his story, his miserable life, i feel sorry...
i feel somehow it was my fault too...
i wan ease his pain, and be his everything that needed me for..
but i stand over here and he was standing there...
BUT ITS NOT MY FAULT, HE WAS ALWAYS BELONG TO ME, HIS HEART IS ALWAYS BELONG TO ME!NOONE CAN EVER TOOK THAT AWAY...he was tottally know that but still he choose other gal.i dun understand!
ANY GAL SHOULD NOTICE THAT, HE WILL NEVER EVER FORGET BOUT ME!
SO ITS NOT MY FAULT IF HE KEEP COMING BACK TO ME!
ITS NOT MY FAULT!!!!!!for GOD SAKE!
su much in between us..
everytime i near him, i feel so much relax, feel i found a long lost fren, feel good bout myself, feel been appricated...
it was my sin.
I should end this soon.
I should talk to him.
being a child without a dad figure is a very tough life that im facing, i dun wan anyone facing it right now...
I guess i made my decision.

bucket list..mine!

2009-03-17T00:53:00.000+08:00

have my own kindergarden kayak di tipi2 (skola anak2 yang bule lucu2)
have my own skola tuna netra (terinspirasi ke slb taon lalu)
punya anak asuh yang banyak
punya tempat rental grand piano yang ada pemandangan menghadap laut, temboknya dari kaca semua, (terinspirasi piano rental di esplanade)
punya beach house yg dari kaca semua, dan kordennya putih, menghadap ke laut, trus kalo pagi sinar matahari bisa masuk dan kalo kordennya kebuka bisa ngerasa angin laut dan pas bangun di sebelah suamiku tercinta...hohohohoho
memajukan sekolah tuna netra di bali, ga tau deh gmana caranya
have my own jazz restaurant
beli grand piano warna item
ke taman yang banyak bunganya di musim semi, pake mantel and bisa ngerasain wangi semua bunga
diving
goin paris liat eiffel
naek gondola di venice
get married di gereja di spanyol atau di maldives
wild safari di afrika
ke afrika jadi social worker bantu anak2 di afrika, daerah jolie suka berkunjung..
holiday bertiga ma cendol ma garonk , dimana bisa gila bareng, mabok mpe muntah2 n joged mpe elek...trus ngeceng2 cowok2 cakep
holiday 1 keluargaku
bikin mamaku ma papaku mau ngmg lagi...sigh ini aku dah nyerah
beliin mamaku asuransi
punya anak cewek yang lucu yang bisa aku dandanin
holiday berdua ma nenekku..
have a bulldog
cari kabar dua cowok pertama yang aku taksir, dimas sama hengky
prewedding pake axioo sama weddingclip videography
be the pretiest bride ever
dipropose pake tiffany n co, hahahahhaha(keluar sisi gelapnya) di menara eiffel atau di sungai depan esplanade
be a good housewife, masakin suamiku, mijetin dia, siapin smuanya sblm dia berangkat kantor, be a loveable housewife..
nonton konser lagi ma cindy, hahahahahaha...
cariin lina and yani jodoh yang ga JERK!
ketemu ma jay chou (hahahahahhahah....)
belajar photography, motret keliling dunia...
beli mazda seri 8 warna merah...
having my own blackberry
reuni sama anak anak panorama convex
camping and naek sepeda yg panjang yg dua orang di east coast sama my lover
belajar bikin kue2 n cookies
dinner di kudeta
ngajar voluenteer di skola anak2 cacat
beli spatu boot di topshop and ke HONGKONG
ke kawah putih
ke bunaken
ke bromo
JADI RAJIN DOA pagi lagi…
Belajar bahasa asing, haven’t decide whether france or japan
Dibonceng Naek ninja Kawasaki yang paling baru, huh so cooolllll
Bikin perusahaan kayak sanna, lembaga yg memajukan wanita2 gitu
Ngedate sama IVAN be2 trus dimasakin gtu, romantic candle light dinner (akhirnya tertulis juga)
Have a good husband n get marry before 27
Kasih jajan ke adek2 aku tiap bulan (hmph baru terlaksana kadang2)
Cari duit yang banyak jadi nyokap aku ga usah kerja lagi

introducing prada n miu2

2009-02-24T16:27:00.001+08:00

1st one: miu miu, 2nd one: prada
*thanks to atika for her kindness letting me keep his bunnies

men r from mars and women r from venus

2009-02-24T16:09:00.000+08:00

Tahukan kamu bahwa wanita dan pria berbicara bahasa yang berbeda, dan bila sampai di suatu titik di mana mereka tidak lagi bisa mengerti bahasa yang digunakan pasangan mereka, di situ lah pentingnya ada “kamus” (help self book, psikiater, orang tua, etc).

Banyak wanita merasa tidak diperhatikan setelah beberapa masa setelah mereka menjalin hubungan, well the truth is para pria kalian tidaklah berubah atau mereka bukan tidak mencintai atau menyayangi kalian lagi, mereka hanya sedang masuk ke dalam gua mereka (they need space).

Saat para pria sedang mengalami masalah (pekerjaan, hubungan, dll) mereka cenderung akan menyendiri menyelesaikan masalah itu, di saat itu lah mereka akan menarik diri, mereka tidak ingin membicarakan hal yang sedang mengangu pikiran mereka. 1 hal yang sangat penting yang perlu digaris bawahi adalah tolong biarkan para pria untuk membaca Koran, atau saat menonton bola, atau bermain catur dan berolahraga, di saat itulah mereka melepaskan ketegangan yang mereka alami.

Begitu juga halnya dengan wanita, banyak pria yang menyangka bahwa mereka punya pasangan yang menuntut terlalu banyak dan tidak mengerti dengan situasi yang mereka alami, but u guys are wrong.

Saat para wanita mengutarakan isi hatinya, para pria akan menyangka bahwa kita, para wanita menyalahkan mereka dan mereka seharusnya bertanggung jawab atas apa yang terjadi pada kegalauan hati kita, dsb, padahal kita sama sekali tidak menyalahkan mereka atau mengungkit2 kesalahan mereka, yang kita para wanita lakukan hanyalah berbicara, mengeluarkan isi hati kita. Para wanita cuman perlu didengarkan, be a good listener guys. Banyak pria yang salah tanggap, saat wanita menceritakan masalah mereka, para pria akan berpikir para wanita sedang mengalami kesulitan dan para pria seharusnya menyelesaikannya, tapi tidak.

Para wanita hanya butuh didengar, mereka ga butuh nasihat atau pemecah masalah, mereka hanya butuh temen yang mendengarkan isi hati mereka.

Saat para pria menanyakan “ apa kamu baek2 saja?”, kita akan mengatakan “ya kita baek2 aja” but I tell u this, para wanita sedang tidak baek2 saja. Trust me! Saat para pria menanyakan “apa aku boleh keluar sama…?atau apa aku boleh ..?” para wanita akan mengatak “iya sana, atau ya udah terserah” itu sama dengan Tidak boleh. Yes we are speaking different language.

Coba perhatikan beberapa kalimat yang suka diucapkan oleh para lelaki yang seharusnya tidak mereka katakan pada pasangannya:

1.”Ini bukan masalah besar”

2.”Oke, aku menyesal, bisakah kita melupakannya sekarang?”

3.”Tapi kan kita berbicara?”

4.”Mestinya kamu ga usah tersinggung, bukan itu maksudku”

5.”Tentu aku sayang padamu, itu pertanyaan yang konyol”

6.”Bagaimana kalau kamu langsung ke pokok masalahnya?”

7.”Kalau kamu sudah gak bahagia, kita pisah saja”

8.”Jadi apa yang ingin kamu katakan?”

9.”Lupakan sajalah”

Dan ini beberapa hal yang dikatakan oleh para wanita, yang membuat pasangan mereka merasa dikuasai:

1.”Kenapa beli barang itu?Kamu kan udah punya?”

2.”Kamu pingin ketemu ma temen2mu, gimana sama aku?”

3.”Aku tidak tahu kau dimana (seharusnya kamu menelpon dulu)”

4.”Jangan taruh di sana, nanti kelupaan”

5.”Rambutmu sudah kepanjangan ya?”

6.”Kamu ga pernah punya waktu buat dirimu sendiri, kamu bekerja terlalu keras, berliburlah sehari”

7.”Kantormu (Kamarmu) beratakan sekali, bagaimana kamu bisa berpikir atau tidur di tempat seperti ini?”

Ada beberapa contoh keluhan umum yang selalu disalah artikan oleh para pria.

1. Wanita: Kita tak pernah jalan2

Pria: tu tidak benar, kita jalan2 minggu lalu

Para wanita tidak benar2 mengartikan tidak pernah sebagai tidak pernah. Itu hanya ungkapan di mana para wanita ingin pergi keluar dan melakukan sesuatu bersama. Mereka senang bisa menghabiskan waktu berdua, mereka hanya ingin diajak keluar, mungkin makan malam dsb.

2. Wanita: Kamu ga sayang lagi ma aku?

Pria: Kalau ga, ngapaen aku di sini?

Para wanita hanya berpikir bahwa saat ini pasangan mereka tidak mencintai mereka, dan mereka kahwatir kalau mereka melakukan sesuatu yang buruk yang menjauhkan pasangan mereka. Mereka tahu bahwa pasangan mereka mencintai mereka, mereka cuman sedikit merasa tidak aman. What guys should do is only say “I love you honey”

Para wanita sangat berbeda dengan para pria, kadang2 apa yang mereka ucapkan adalah kebalikan dari apa yang mereka inginkan, para pria hanya perlu bertanya sekali lagi dengan suara sedikit manja “apa bener aku boleh keluar?kamu yakin?” dan 70% wanita itu akan mengatakan apa yang mereka inginkan.

Satu masalah yang sangat basic adalah, wanita perlu mendengarkan pasangan mereka bilang “AKU SAYANG KAMU” setiap hari. Para wanita mengetahui bahwa pasangan mereka sungguh mencintai mereka, tapi mereka hanya pelu para pria mengucapkan itu untuk merasa aman. Bila dalam sehari atau beberapa hari para pria melupakannya, para wanita akan bertanya “kamu sayang ga ma aku?”.

coming back to zero...

2009-02-12T17:55:00.002+08:00

"I need you to see me the way i see you love me, n all i see is your face"

Back to zero. I was in the middle of no where, seems like i travel to a black hole where there is no exit!
I have so many plans in my head, doing many crazy stuff, how to improve my life, but i feel like paralysed.
or I make myself paralysed, im not sure of everything, i dont know where to run to..
things didnt get better after all these months, just want to turn back time and stay in where i belong.
:'( i think i was make my life more complicated than before..

***

feelin pissed on how my fiancee treat me, and i was out from my head that nite
and i did a huge mistake by goin out with a jerk!
i brought that upon myself...

***

wat u called man who never keep his promises?
feel left alone

03:15pm

2008-11-21T15:20:00.003+08:00

fruit salad (rojak) @ office

well after many things that happen yesterday, it times to pay back, i ate so much today, and this is one of things that fill my my boring time..well editing marilyn-jason wedding video is not a tough job, but to see how happy is them and i havent reach the moment like them that was something...
well bon appetti...

if i got u with me here and now, baby...

2008-11-18T09:52:00.000+08:00

ok tell me whats wrong?
tell me what was happening
cause i thought i was dumb enaugh to not aware what happened these few days
did i have not enaugh effort to make it works?
did i have not good pay enaugh attention to people who they claim as my FAMILY?
did i have no rights to judge and go with my consciousness?
did i not respect the boundries?
wayway decided to delayed our engagement day, with no reason..
only confused matter was left behind, only unsureness was left to fiiling up my heart,
only doubt and questions was running like maniac in my mind.
did i do somethings wrong?i need to admit I NEED A PSHYCHIATRIST before it turns bad!
i almost cut my vein AGAIn...wats wrong with me?wat did i do that it seems not right for him?
i was so mad, and i put the ring back on the box and i give it back to him!
i juz dun wan things get worse before it started..
let heartpain be mine, let insomnia be friends of my night and let tears be proof that i was alone again.
i start to lose hope..somebody save me....

my grandpa was passed away last weeks..
things not went so well after all. i have hard time to let him go.
i struglle to put words in my mouth, try to make senses what is the priest and all people doing?
why they asked my grandpa to go.STOP IT!THATS MY GRANDPA, NOT YOURS!BACK OFF!!!
i just wish God will give another chance to make him happy.
to make him see that im grown up and im ready to take him everywhere he want to go.
i want to company him jogging and see balinese dance.
i miz him so bad.time went so fast.last thing i remember is i took his bone ashes from the creamtion process to put it on the box.

my mum get quarell wif me since midnite, i was so exhausted to arguing with her
i dont have enaugh space in my head to go debate!for her i was nothing good, i was a betrayal and so on..
she dont understand why i need go to my grandpa funeral..
wat a ????NOW LET ME CLARIFY THIS??WHO TOOK CARE OF ME WHEN SHE WENT TO WORK AND JUST REACH HOME BY MIDNITE?
WHO teach how to ride bike?and send me to kindergarden everyday?
who???did HER MOTHER pay me attention??why should i go to my grandma (her mother) funeral n not my grandpa?
is that make sense???

people really selfish, they forced u to understand them but did they take a good look at me?
what is the impact to my life???

MY dear dear student

2008-10-30T14:48:00.003+08:00

thanks TO nENo, she reminds me of my past as teacher..
hahahahaha....

I was a teacher before, i guess it starting on Feb 2006 until Feb 2007.
I was teaching at a catholic school name Bakti Prima in Tangerang, Jakarta.
I was teach English basically, for 2nd and 5th grade primary school.
then I was a English helper teacher for junior high school and teacher for kindergarten.
well this was my first experience teach children.

1st day: I never thought my student will be around 45 to 50 student for one class their voice is louder than mine and they run faster than i was and they talk much more than me.No way i will giving up...ok 1st day end not that well.

2nd day: All kindergarden children start to like me, they sit on my lap and teach me (yes they teach me, not i teach them) to sing PETERPAN, RATU AND SAMSONS song, well i just got back from singapore and i didnt know bout Indonesia song at all.

3rd day: I start to raise my voice and i manage to control the whole class, yep yep 45 of my student, age of 10, big or small,notty or just a book worm child (sikaaaatt semua) well i do admit my english course in ST. JAMES, spore help me alot.

well the next next and next day I was known as the YOUNGEST TEACHER WITH THE LOUDEST VOICE EVER...

i was 21 that time, and if i teach on the 1st floor, my voice will be heard until 2nd floor and that was a big school...
few students that i remember was:

eric: he asked me to date him and he quite often went to my house and bring me sum food we went to cinema and have quite fun together, we went to mall together and had dinner together.

this fatty boy from senior high, he can play a saxophone and he play for me a song, nice fella,
he always call me few times a day, damn i forgot his name!

6th grade primary student, if I'm not wrong his name is Hans, and he play 1 song for me.
you dun wan to know what song he sing for me "jadikanlah aku pacarmu..."insane!

in a month i become the most famous teacher on the school, they cant wait for my subject
well an old method like teaching with book and theories is BORED!
we more into doing a mind games, hahaha, we learn and play and sing and dance!
love my children so much, especially paupau and jason (kindergarten student)
he was my fave, small, short and fat and fat and fat and so adorable!
i remember teach him sing "kelinciku amat lucu..."

i was moved back to Bali and decided to continue my teaching career
i was accepted in Pelita Bangsa school at Mahendratta street.

They asked me to become a class teacher for 3th grade student.
and yes i was become an English teacher for 1st till 4th grade student
(the school just open and they only open the class till 4th grade)
well things in Pelita Bangsa was not as difficult like in Jakarta
1 class is only 10 to 15 students, easy to manage! and small children is more obedient
almost half of the student is angmohs, so dun have to worry, cause they can speack english perfectly.
well almost same method, teach English with games, singing and dancing.
I remember the education ministry was visited our school and they so impress with my teaching method
and all teacher was raise their hat for me...(GEDE KEPALA)
But that time i was so happy, feel so much satisfied!
soon enough i was pointed as English science, computer, and cooking teacher.

my fave student was XANTHE, adorable angmohs from Australia. she was 9 and she cant write and read at all!and i must teach her like i teach kindergarten!And the other one is name Christopher (kindergarten student)
i love this kid so much cause he have so HANDSOME DADDY! hahahahahahahahA

I remember when i said i was leaving the school for good, they were cry, and i was so sad!
their tears means the whole world for me...(lebay bgt) but thats true.
on my birthday they made me a long long long birthday card for me which i still hang into my bedroom wall
and they gave me chocolate..

reason i quit the job is cause my expenses is triple than what i earn as teacher.
simple but very important aspects to leave the job!

it just the EMOTION...

2008-10-30T11:18:00.003+08:00

dear WAYWAY,

i want a weekend
i want a candle light dinner
and i want you to want me badly
i want your lips touching mine
i want your heart
i want your body
and i want your soul
i want a long walking down the beach
i want holding hands
and i want more than just an ordinary sunset
i want you to call my name
i want you to see me like noone before
and i want you to claim me as your girlfriend
i want you as my bestfriend
i want you as my boyfriend
and i want you as my friend to spend the rest of my life with

***

well, we bought the ticket to bengkulu 2 days ago,
yipeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!
our flight is tonite at 21.50 by lion air to jakarta
and tommorow morning we are flying to bengkulu
feel so happy and nervous and i cant hardly breathe...
so scare, excited, and my heart pumping like maniac...
I'm goin to meet my parents in law..
(singing 'a little bit sandra in the sun, a little bit marry all nite long, a liitle bit jessica here i am...mambo no.5')
yeah yeah start act like lunatic
('jump up and down and move all around...1 step left, 1 step right, clap your hand once...')
start to following the songs...hahahahahhaha
man, he like give me a million pixels colour in my life
and i like doing a metamorphosis!
ready to fly wherever it takes
yup, lets go....
(continue singing....i do , oh do fallin love with a guy like you, you cant run, you cant hide, you and me goin to touch the sky...)

when MUm went wrong

2008-10-30T09:02:00.002+08:00

these 3 days like hell to me
i get so pissed bout my mum
well cant really tell u guys what she did,
i know it seems i was the bad child after all
i did nothing to make my mum happy
well at least i deserve some MANNER...
i really losing up my head to face her!
sumtimes feel like i wan disappear and never be born by her
it hurts me so, i have no right to judge her!
but it so unFAIR!what the fuck i did wrong until she treat me like this?
no, she not torturing or hit me, it just the way she behave...
she not only have 1 child, but she have 3, does she remember that?
is that a rite things when u sacrifices 1 child for another??
feelin to go for smoke...
she ruin all my day...
sumtime i just want to blame my dad,
but sumtime i want blame GOD for wat happened!
how cum i were born in broken home family.....
i dun have words to pray
dun have tears to shade
and dun have willing to talk to her anymore!
God, am i bein a bad child?
am I?????

getting RECYCLE

2008-10-18T13:47:00.000+08:00

getting recycle
picking up the trash,
and make it something more beautiful
something that have more meaning than just a polution
it sad to think how my family end up
it hurts wishing i have a father to watch me grew up
but ...
i stop wishing and hoping when i know all the answer
cling on the heart said..
open my eyes and im not in the same place anymore
such a selfish person one human can be
a regret is the thing that left at the last
but ...
who will care when everything was over
who will say things that never been told when finally the day was end

if just people not getting old
and getting memory loss..
if just we can stand here and close our eyes
and holding hand and feel the same way after 10 years

***

Mercure Sanur,
Arnika was great, like the place, but i dun think the poolside can fit to 200 people
the ballroom is new and nice..

Sanur Beach
pass

Bali Beach
my mom told me how great it is..how she can manage to decorate the place
but that place is SO NOT ME!!!!old fashion, old style, look so cheap!!! hen tiu lien...

Bali Hyatt
well, great place with great price

Ayodya
LOVELOVELOVE it so much, really hope can held the wedding dinner there..
its like my dream come true...coz quite alot too.

Novotel Nusa Dua
simple, peacefull, it got everything we need except view!

still got few places to go..
man, tiring me out...and feel like i wan just become a runaway bride..
no i mean runaway couple..hahahahaha..after tea ceremony party then just left!
pull everything together just to make sure everything on the right path
suppose not to worry too much, but i dun wan got sumthing suprises me at the end
and i will feel regret for my whole life!i get married once and i wan it perfect!

***

wayway family haven know bout me, they havent been introduce to me properly
formaly and face to face
i worry whether they will like me or note, but my sis asked me just bein my self
so that they will like n love we as the way i am
God please help me..
I NEED REMEDY!
his parents keep calling him and remind him to not make a wrong decision
and ask him to think it carefully and over and over
everybody asking the same question, am i sure with this thing, am i not too rush everything..

***

well i am worry too much i guess...
my head will spinning around if thinking this stuff!
wake up winda!wake up!!!!
there is nothing to worry about, GOd i surrender!

***

ok back to wayway...well we spent so much time together lately
and he stand up for me when my mom try to decide by her own bout the wedding
love him, and yes we get quarell again, and it hurts me alot to see him went home
but everything was under control..
cant wait till the day come..sumtimes he being so childlish but sumtimes he acted OLD!
hahahahahahahahh..

if i just can say it....

2008-10-15T15:40:00.003+08:00

arghhhh...hate to see those sms..
always and always.. there were so many sms from other gal in wayway phone!
hate it so much, but i just cant tell him...
im not bein jealous or watsoever, it just i feel irritated with it!
i dunno y, am i over reacted?
damn, feel so lost...wat should i do??
arghhhh..dont wan think bout it!
wayway asked me to throw away all things that i ever got from my EX'S BOYFRIENDS....
(tembel, the lollypop, the waterglobe?the stupid pig?the wallet)
huhhhhhhhhhh...am i have enaugh courage to just let those things gone...
no im not love fred, or yef or other boy anymore it just, that is their appreciation to me..
and i feel they respect and treasure me..
hardly believe it, i knowwayway can buy for me the same thing, but it just ...
im not holding on with my past...i move on wif my life, but all those things just make me feel comfy and so many memories..
but i love way way..i think i have no choice except giving those things away...
fiuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

***

i think fred already move on and start to get close with another gal, well gud for him
all the best PANDA!! :P (cie cie yang dapet buku??hahahahahah)

***

this morning i was browsing Tiffany and co site, man yeah i know .. $1350 for a simple engagement ring... 0.25 carat!
so expensive, but i love it so much..yeah yeah i know dream on winda dream on...
wayway told me he want to sell his ninja kawasaki for buy the engagement ring..
i just feel bad bout it, i know he love his bike..i dun want he spend his money on me...
i know its tiffant, i know..well i think im gonna get that tiffany by myself!HAHAHAHAHAHHA, idiot rite?
yeah yeah...watever!!

***

today he fell a sick, throw up since this morning..to much ate opera cake (suppose to share it with me)
he will goin back to denpasar abit late, which i will met him abit late too..hiks hiks miss him!
today roy abit weird, he asked me to feed him cookies " wat a ....??"
hahahah i know he just joking..

first PIC

2008-10-13T08:56:00.003+08:00

He goin to kill me if he found out i post his picture...
this is wayway.. mwah (luv u way)

***

the picture taken on 9th October 2008
in Hagen Daz, Kuta...
(he textin chandra, that what he said...huh)

***

yep he will start his diet TODAY!
hohohoho...
(he ask me to join him, hahahaha, gila lu ndro...??)

my BLOG personality (thanks to NENO)

2008-10-13T08:33:00.002+08:00

Your Blogging Type is Artistic and Passionate

You see your blog as the ultimate personal expression - and work hard to make it great.

One moment you may be working on a new dramatic design for your blog...

And the next, you're passionately writing about your pet causes.

Your blog is very important - and you're careful about who you share it with.

What's Your Blogging Personality?

***

hahahahaha..er..well it's 100% true, cant deny it anymore! sumtimes i get headache to design my blog background, sumtimes i just wan to write sumthing stupid..

birthday @ OFFICE

2008-10-11T14:05:00.002+08:00

ok i confess..this is my third birthday cake..hohoho..
the first one is nah nah not from wayway, from tante gesang
second one from cell grup kasih and this my third cake.. :)
yup im turning to 23..man?i still look so damn cute rite?people will never know that im 23 rite?RITE??RITE??
:)

Oh yeah the lady nex to me is mbak trisna, she also celebrate her 28th birthday on 27th September..Happy birthday too..

**

p.s: lina, roy and yani bought me a huge me to u bear..

Man, what have you DONE to my life?

2008-10-11T13:25:00.002+08:00

smooch..
3 days ago we get a bit emotion to each other, end up i cant turn in well... we not get quarrel, it just sumthing came up and i havent ready for it.
2 days ago he picked me up, had a dinner together and i feel so much different..thing that he did and spoke was unexpected..quite shock!
i wish he stop by in my home after he sent me back, but he...i dunno wat happened exactly, end up he gave me a called and he said he intend to stop by but then i said gudbye..wat an idiot am i?
yesterday everything turn out well, had dinner and desert too...we have so much gudtime together.
finally he dare to bring me to public, when he picked up his car from cindy house he asked me to come along..feel so glad!
then lastnite he said "ii dont want to lose you..." so sweeeeeettt..... hohohohoho..
today we r going to midnite and have dinner... :)

***

i checked out roy fs yesterday and quite shocking found out that his status is in relationship
i know who is the girl..i get petrified and pale...
no, it s not because i still have a feeling for him , i just wish he not date that girl, any girl except her!
but if that girl make him happy , then im happy for him! :) cheers

***

this married planning was freak me out..
everything cost a penny..headache to think where those the money will come?
just wish have a simple wedding without a big lavish party..
man, 8 month will fly so fast...GOsh, my heart beating faster every time i think bout it.
i was love to get married in Tirtha, but every time the quotation deliver to my mail, i will have my asthma again! :(

There is so much magnificents...

2008-10-10T11:28:00.001+08:00

Dear Lord,

There is so much magnificents...
when i can feel the wind breeze and
take a deep breath of the winter air
and smell of the grass when the rain drops

There is so much magnificents...
when i found love and repair my broken wings
and learn to fly one more time
can feel the future that wait for me up front

There is so much magnificents..
when i found You when i have no one to run
when You blessed me with your mysterious way
when You told me 'I'm always here'

There is so much magnificents...
when waves coming in
and clear my footprint
seems like wash away my sanity and giving a new hope

There is so much magnificents...
when i kneel down and pray and cry
i know how You always hold me tight
i know You are always wathcing over me

There is so much magnificents...
when i smile today
and put my head and heart together
its all because your Grace

There is so much magnificents...
when i have no words to say
You still know what is in my heart
You still know how i still want talk to You

its good to know i GOT A fren..

2008-10-09T12:03:00.000+08:00

Today i woke up..hardly breath..
my head was spinning around.
i sit on the corner of the rooms, holding my knee
thinking everything that happened so fast.
figure out slowly wat was going on..
feel like an idiot..things a little f*** up last9!

fred and me was finally over.
im telling myself over and over again, i dont need him in my life
no more. I can stand on my feet and be a strong girl.
seems like forever since he been gone. Dun wan him to come back again.

catching up my breath and strecthing all my body parts.
i will not let my heart rule my head again.
im doing what i want to do before everythings too late.
i know its hard when i feeling down, i did a mistake again and again.
everyone seems know the story of me, what a BULLSHIT!

talking on people back,stabbing them until they lost their consience..
wat a fren the world have?they hurt u and they search u..
why love went away?why lover become a gudfren in the end?
im so sick about it!is this fair?people keep asking me how and why..
i told them I DONT KNOW..

the shadow will follow me but i dont let things go worse
is it everything going to the rite path?

***

wayway and I was met 2 years back.
yep he a stranger that sum fren intorduce to me
he being so cocky and arrogant and glamour and untouchable
i remember he always look down on people
seems he have no fren except his ministry fren
i mean what the hell?i also graduated in some gud college in spore
same wif riva and titi
but we dont act like we born in silver spoon on our mouth
we always textin each other and until today we always pointing our finger to blame who textin who first
it just happening and go like the wind blow
we not really sure when the feeling was raise from the deep sea
i just remember we spent my birthday together..from midnite, dawn, morning, and nite..
seems i found my old fren, who always be there
i just need to call out his name and wherever he were, he will just pop up from no where
feel so much relieved after heart pain that i felt.
i tot i got a fren, and its good to know i got a fren to share!
and start that day i always come running to see him again.
we went to have dinner together and he wipe up my tears and holding my hands when i feel lost
when the sky above me turn to grey and full of cloud, he will keep me company and cheer up my day
soon he be the one who i love to be with..
i remember when he brought me to the motorbike workshop and he stroke my hair, i feel damn happy
and when he hold my hands i feel safe..
He went to Jakarta a full week on Aidil Fitri Day..
I cant keep my head together, strange feeling!feel like been left again
same like the old times..
but he came back and give a big hug for me and i know he will never leave me again.
he will took my soul away i guess :)
when i picked him up from airport, it feel so right and when we have our dinner in Rosso Vivo,
He asked me to goin out wif him, officially become his gf..
i waited so long to say yes..never mean to give him a hard time, just i still catching my breath
i dont the feeling go away so fast..i know the day will never come back again!

***

both of us so eager to planning the W day..
sumtimes it freak me out when i imagine myself wif him and spend the rest of my time wif sum stranger
hahahaahhaah..

Socialize girl...

2008-07-16T16:38:00.003+08:00

Am i one of the socialize girl?well i guess not..Im not one of gal like melia and the other gal that i dont like to mention their names in here.
I was went to Rumours restaurant(Seminyak) wif riva and titi after watching WANTED by jolie in cinema, then when we talked and hang out , I realize something big...I was not meant to be hang out wif some people like well...

huh...anyway i feel like I was wrong for all this time, Im not that capitalist and i also not popular or rich or socizalise girl on town, but Im someone, and people do respect me for who I am, Im not being arrogant or wat soever, but class society does exist and now i feel the diffrence between me and the other frens..

People who educated will talk about world differently, we talked things that really exist, we talked about life and we talked many things that really come in a sense on people mind...I feel so much different when I hang around wif those guys and my other church frens...I dont know whether Im in the rite path or note...but THEY WERE DIFFERENT, how we spend our time, our plan for future, the way we talked, the way we eat and have dinner is totally different from people from labor class...again I didnt say that im from capitalist class..
I like to be gal in the capitalist class, not because they look cool and rich and rich and rich, but it just different and i run out words to describe it!

People from labor class will joke around, talked about nonsense, talk about other people, doing something so meaningless..and I dont really enjoy it!we just a have a different view!yep yep different view...we have different prespection about everything!well u will never know what i felt until u have 2 groups of society...Im not that picky regarding fren, I have so many fren around the world, is just like now i know that to be with people that not have the same class with you is a big mistake!trust me!two people from two different class is a big mistakes.. How people been brought up by their parents and environment really affecting their adult life..

I DO REALIZE MY MISTAKES!!!i just feel so dumb, i thought i can force the mother nature, but i was so wrong!God make everything on the right track, He know how to manage everything...and i feel so damn glad and lucky i was on the society that i am now!

I wanna hold on to u...

2008-07-05T11:28:00.004+08:00

its beyond my control...everything move too slow and sometimes it just like running and flew away..
I cant figure what my world consist of...
too much emotion and devastation and wishes...
i just always cant find a perfect reasons why Taiyang need to leave and stay so far away..
well i guess i cant mange myself quite well
i always get pissed off of little thing that missed..
i just wish i have a simple happiness
i cant find him, when i turn around..
so many obstacles in my life
but still try to put my head up high
feel giddy and feel alone...

So pissed, seems like life always playing around wif me

feel the breeze of the wind
come to my sense
breathe the air that been always there
cloud covering the shine
made everything look so blue
wonder whether it going to drizzling soon
holding pieces of special dream

dream that always appear when i close my eyes
i pray and pray..
wish tomorrow come faster

You take me the way I am

2008-06-23T15:52:00.003+08:00

If you were falling, then I would catch you.
You need a light, I'd find a match.

Cuz I love the way you say good morning.
And you take me the way I am.

If you are chilly, here take my sweater.
Your head is aching, I'll make it better.

Cuz I love the way you call me baby.
And you take me the way I am.

I'd buy you Rogaine if you start losing all your hair.
Sew on patches to all you tear.

Cuz I love you more than I could ever promise.
And you take me the way I am.
You take me the way I am.
You take me the way I am.

this song remind me how much Panda always accepeted me the way I am, without complaining anything..
it just show me how i feel for him these days...especially "the way you said good morning"

***

This Sunday 29th June, KoKe Production will be in St. Fransiscus church on kartika plaza..
Koke will have its own stand , and I will be there....

feel so exicted and worry..feel so lost ...dunno wat to do, wat to prepare...
Man....somebody help me!!???

***

Last weekend, wilson was asked me out..well we went to sky garden, hang out for an hour then we talked many things, I mean He talked many thingss...i just become a good listener, well he also asked me about my relation ship with fredrik...

then we went to mcd and have a supper then we went home!

dear MOTHER MARY..

2008-06-03T15:05:00.003+08:00

is the fairy really there
is Mother Mary by somehow flyin above the earth
is the butterfly by any chance will always helping the flower

The sanity that stay on people heart
who drive every single human become a savage beast
They thought what if there were no tomorrow
what if i die and left with no meaning in my life

i wonder where the fallen star will fall to?
i curious on how the sun just know when he need to shine
i close my eyes and walk by the spring wind
i cant see the love that i tot was in the air

i can hear people whisper about me
they seems have the answer of anything
but i was too scared to asked whether im in the rite path
but then i tot to my self
what a hell, dun give a damn space for their opinion in my mind

i didnt say i have enough of this freaking world
i guess im greedy for love
but who give a damn tot about me anyway
just put that stupid smile on your face and everyone will treat you ok

i saw that beggar kid on the road few days back
and he just smile on the hazardous raining
playing with his finger and he sit on the corner of the road
is he thinking by somehow, there were a war outside his world
well i guess he just dun care anymore
too many pain that he felt, too many things that he need to think of

well MOTHER Mary if u happen to pass by the earth
or if the fairish just not vanish by the time
can take a quick peep to this place
its not heaven and its not a hell

Can I have this kiss forever?

2008-05-27T09:52:00.002+08:00

I have this streaming nose and i get cold, and plus sore throat..
man, can I just feel fit for a day???i dunno y i always fell a sick?is it bcoz something that i ate?
I took panadol and some herbal Chinese tea this morning...

***

I went watch Indiana Jones on Sunday nite, then i passed sushi tei, then I remember how we ride kakek motorbike and get quarrel so many things...and talked many stuff...and when this container passed my car, I remember how he told me that he also sending his coconut tree using this kind of container... well i guess i just missing him badly!

He gave me a called last nite...when i already fell a sleep, he called to my mum cell and my mum wake me up. Kindda shock but he said "how come u fall asleep at this time" ..hahahaha...i got this cold but i thought i juz doin fine..

He textin me said " i have crossed to another street y now i bother to return back?" it seems he jus dun understand, neither me...
I jus dunno y i crossed to another street but before that street end i found that was not the rite path, this is not what i want or what i dream..
i know i did a big mistakes...i always did, and he always forgave me and accept me back, and now its hard to believe he really dun wan me back...

(shit im on my tearssss....)

i try everything, but it seems meaningless, it really hard to gain his trust back, but i mean y i need to gain his trust back, i did not cheat on him...man, i just took a wrong step, i really dun have any clue when he gone and i dun have anyone to help me choose a better decision, and i remember that was the worst month i ever get, i cried and cried and found how dumb am i, and no one was there for me....NOONE...

I jus want him to understand noone can replace his place ..and no one understand me like he did and no one...
I know he still love me, i know he did although he always ignore it and avoid such question but i just can feel it everytime he said he miss me, everytime he textin me said gudnite and take care of myself....and his gudnite kiss....
its all my mistakes...im so sorry T_T

i always dream about him these few days, and it starts to killin me when i woke up and i cant found him nex to me...
I always tot that all this things was jus a nite mare and i will wake up someday and found he hugging me and said "its alrite"

***

Noboy and me suuposed to watched narnia yesterday, but i really running out blood, heheheheh
man, this is so serious, only left 50 thousand for a week and my mum is going out town...

wAAAAAAAAAhhhhhhhhhhhh....

***

Oh yeah..Roy having his birthday on sunday, textin him say happy birthday..
well i quite glad everything between us was oever and we can manage to build a good partnership now
Its kindda scared me in few past months , he like a statue....we enevr communicate, but i glad now we jus doin fine, he movin with his life and so do i...and now he jus threat me the same like lina and yani...anyway...HAPPY birthday Roy, wish d best for you :)

the HOLIDAy..

2008-05-21T15:59:00.006+08:00

waisak day..hmmm holiday...just can fell the fresh air from i woke up!

seems so good to not going to work and relax and sleep until 9am...

Acctualy dun have any plan for today, but decided to call Yani and tell her about his DUMB husband...man still get so pissed off with that guy.

Anyway Yani and me decided to go watch movie, the narnia 2, well we changed the plan after Dora decided to go with us, cause she already watch the movie then we decided to play water sport in grand mirage nusa..

We went to simpang siur, doing some window shopping, get hang out in es teler then go to gramedia and bought some book, man this book cost me 150thousand rupiah...thinking i will go bankrupt if always buy expensive book....hahahahhaha...

Then after chillin out we went to grand mirage, intend to play water sport but they closed already, so sad...then we swimming , playing stupid basketball on pool then after an hour we took pictures in beach...

after that we going to the hotel lounge and go for karoaoke....MAN THIS IS WAS THE CRAZIEST DAY OVER, we jump all over, scream and yelll, singing like maniac, laugh out loud , dancing ....

it was so funny, we doing so many crazy style on dancing, and our voice is so loud until the people in the lounge reception can hear us, man, so tiu lien...after an hour we took off and had a dinner in warung itali...

YUMMY ...we had lasagna and many things...

well great day

Panda gave me a called on the midday, i was miz him all day

cant get a good nite sleep..dunno wat happen to me, maybe stress over work..

He was with ebi...he forget that i was having my holiday, just a quick call cause i need to go with gals...but at least i heard his sound...hahahaahahahahahahah

promise you one thing, that I will never let you go...

2008-05-19T16:21:00.001+08:00

Well Fredrik had his bad day again, yeah AGAIN and I was crying and force my self to smile and encourage him... But I was so much in pain...

I just dunno until when....
OH Lord, give me some strenghts...

dis mornin i woke me up by his sweet sms "cao an wen"
I tot i was having another nitemare lastnite, but it seems these few days become a day with so many complicated things that he cant figure it ouT!

He always said he dun want me anymore, he dun need me anymore, he intend to find another gal to replace me..BUT THE FACT IS HE CANT JUST GO LIKE THAT...
I UNDERSTAND HIM TOO MUCH, I KNOW HOW TO HANDLE HIM AND HE KNOW DEEP DOWN INSIDE IN HIS HEART HE NEED ME, cause Im the only one who be there for him, who always stand next to him when he fell or when he was on the top..I never complain on what he doing for living, always supporting him and I always cheer him up, he just cant forget me, and HE NEVER WANT TO ADMIT THAT!!!

and me???i always give in to him, cause I dun have anything to defense myself anymore, I truly love him and everyday im getting weaker...

***

I suppose to met up with Wahyu (my ex) yesterday, but roy was living for camp, and all his responsibility was left to ODA, the new slow motion guy. HE WAS SO SLOOOOWWWWW doing anything, end up he mess everything up n the big boss called me when i was taking my nap to replace ODA did a photoclip. MAN , i can tell you HE WAS SOOOOOO SLOWW and he felt nothing to worry for, he just just so so...I LOST MY WORD....CANT STAND HIM, HOW CAN HE DUN have any responsibility like that??so pissed off....

PSALM 23

2008-05-18T10:34:00.001+08:00

I wake up at 3.30 am and im hardly to go turn in again...i dunno i just had a nightmare or it just my feeling or it was the situation who made me think that way...

Felt I was alone and be left behind..feel the distance was getting wider between us,Never want to escape anymore, Try to stand although the storm was heading in front of me..

Sometime I was thinking whether im in the rite path?

FEEL so tired to fight and fix everything all by myself..but I cant turning back now..I mend my may to rebuild everything, every single good memory that be left behind it seems fading away, and I cant face it! I just cant!

Im the one who always supporting him, I try to be there when he needed me, I try to hug him when he felt down n i try to smile when he HURTING ME SO BAD....
What this all about?the tambourine gal?the Gold shop gal?the Airline gal?I CANT TAKE IT...

DEAR LORD,

are You still there by somehow?
Please Im begging you, if really this is Your way for me, give me some strenghts,Cause I cant face it alone, cause I been so in love with him but he .....
God please help me...please...

(Psalm 23)

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.

He maketh me to lie down in green pastures, he leadeth me beside the still waters.

He restoreth my sould, he leadeth me in the paths of righteoness for his name's sake.

Yea Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no eveil, for thou art with me, thy rod dan thy staff they comfort me.

Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies,thou anointes my head with oil, my cup runneth over.

Surely godness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.

how much longer will it takes to cure this?

2008-05-14T14:01:00.002+08:00

well i didnt to mean to fall in love again
but there is no way to escape your love...

***

Panda has back to LUwuk..feel so lonely and blue suddenly
been so paranoia..but IM GOING TO give him a shocking visit on the summer...
still find a good date so i can take a couple days off and go to Sulawesi...
hahahaha....
nothing was happened until he flew to Sulawesi, I know i can expect too much...but he kept the ring, wish he put on my ring one day...I have a wonderful day this past 2 weeks, watching the sunset, having a romantic candle lite dinner, go shopping and travelling around ubud...
still can take that smile away everytime i remember how we did the crazy things together.
Sometime he being so silly and did a funny face and something he made me pissed off on purpose.

***

Loaded with many works...been sent to half fay prewedding as make up artist assistant and get sunburn..my skin was red all over and it quite painful, n now i look like boiled prawn...
planning to but a laptop, envy fredrikcause he got the new one, but i will defineatly not go for the instalment payment...considering Fujitsu and Acer 12.2 inch, well see the budget, saving up!!

***

I got this very sweet and cute Lollipop from Panda
thinking to frame it up...so pity to eat it..
it has pink and fusha colour, cant take my eyes from the lolli, very happy :) love the lolli so much

***

I have this ex bf, named Jerry (called him titi) and his brother was a fashion designer, then i refrenced his brother to my boss , we are making few pieces of uniform and couple of groom t shirt, then HE BLODDY MESS IT UP BY RAISING UP HIS PRICE WITHOUT OUR PERMISSION and he charged us for transportation fee, made me so pissed off....feel so guilty with mrs. Diana...

The romour has it

2008-05-13T10:13:00.000+08:00

The rumour just hast it.

Well “rumour has it” was played by jenni aniston (ex of brad pitt’s) but it brought so many good things and new inspiration for me.

All this jake beauroughs things (he been slept with the whole women in Jenni family, Jenni grandma, Jenni mother and Jenni) almost run out Jenni life. Jenni fiancé was cancelled off the engagement, and she been so paranoia that she thought she has slept with her father (cause Jake also slept with her mom). ALL this thing made Jenni realize that nothing she want more rather than get married with her fiancée.. and 1 scene where I can’t forget most is when Jenni father said “ I GOT YOUR MOTHER and Beau didn’t, that’s all I care” .. for all Jenni mom did to him, how she ran away with jake, Jenni father just forgive her.

I THINK that’s all love need..acceptance and forgiveness…

“it’s not that I can’t live without you, I just don’t want to” This is what jenni said to his fiancée..and it works..

eterNITy

2008-05-06T15:56:00.003+08:00

'call my name..call my name..
close your eyes, gimee ur hand darlin
do u feel my heart beating?do u understand, do u feel d same?
or am i only dreaming, is dis burning? an eternal flame...?
i believe its meant to be darlin
i watch u when u are sleeping, u belong to me...
do u feel d same?"

:) i really cant believe what was happening these days...he been so close to me
he watching me when i fell a sick
i can smell his breath
i can feel his cologne
i can touch his hand

how i wish he was back like used to be...
I LOVE him never feel this way before..
never want to see he shed his tears for me anymore
never want to lost him

everything that He do make me wanna smile
just cant stand when we apart...
he know exactly how i feel
i dun wanna fall no more

been in love with him last time, n that time, n now and tommorow till the end of time
n i just can let u go...

no one

2008-04-30T16:38:00.002+08:00

I juz dun really understand wat was going on these few days
He was back on the town
but nothing going rite
i tot he still keep his heart for me
i admit i was wrong in the first place
but i have regretted what i done

i was trying my best to pursue his love again
but noone seems to understand y i being so dumb

it just all about the heart
i cant get his out from my deepest heart
n i cried everytime he try to put me aside from his life

im giving the ring to him
and ask him to spend the rest his life with me
never ever done such stupid thing to anyone
he said "im not ready, this is not the rite time"

my heart broke to pieces

i know some people search the world
to find that what they have

but finally i understand i just want him in my life

I WILL NEVER LET HIM GOOOO
NEVER EVER
FOR HOW MUCH HE HURT ME AND EVERYTHING THAT HE TRY TO PUT ME ASIDE WITH, i dont give a damn tot.....

rings

2008-04-28T16:56:00.001+08:00

rings - been proposed on 23rd APRIL 2008

the moments just wont go away

2008-04-17T12:05:00.000+08:00

pf_pupil

2008-04-10T16:35:00.002+08:00

row top (from left to right): citra, sonce, nda, trisna, kadek, galih, dora, ratna, kunti, diana, eya
row below: KIngkong, kintan, anom, odance, windee

tell me how am i supposed to live with no air?

2008-04-10T15:53:00.002+08:00

huaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

bored to death..tons of work..
yesterday i sign the working contract with the photo factory for 5 years, yeah shocking decision but i think its already meant to be...i can grow and learn many things in here, well i glad i sign the contract...

noboy seems so desperado to raise his study mark, i know he not trying his best yet..he just learn what he like to learn but he never give extra effort to learn what he should know...
hahahah.peace bro..

miz fredrik so much this lately...been so lonely when he went back to countryside n icant hear his voice,well lost my faith sometimes..
i know somehow we just meant to be together, so whatever he said rite now , i really know we going to settle down 1 day...hahahahaha

ana coming down to town to9, cant wait to meet her and hang out with her..this few days been so hectic n i need something to cheer me on!

igo become so weird these few days,hahahaha i dunno what he been up to..

3 days ago nia called noboy , n noboy said she almost cry and she was looking for me.then i give her a called..i asked wats wrong
then she asked whether i hate her?I SAID OF COURSE NO!although i ever been to so pissed of n angry with her but never cross my mind to take her as rival or an enemy, then she explain everything to me...she said she got nothing to do with ro, nothing except frens, and i said "hey hey roy n me onli a fren, n i dun want to discuss about him anymore!he was my past!" but she still insist to explain that she just consider roy as her bestpal..she never know that roy n me been in relationship, well cant blame her for that...
at least she try to clear the misunderstanding, i appreciate her goodwill...

mamon still try to match me with john, so funny...hahahahahhaha....
well since i put my office party picture (i was wearing the high skul uniform), i recieved many sms n phone call from a guy..hahahahah
weird!!!!

MIZ PANDA, cant wait until 22nd this month!!!!

i'm been searching but cant find my signs

2008-03-28T09:08:00.002+08:00

Erik was back to the town, he sent me sms...
He said he cant wait to meet me...

***

Agus n me get closer
but sumthing just dun feel rite
n i cant figure wat it was
he treat me really good
but i dunno y it feel so weird...

***

Fpus give me a call last nite
he said "if he n i really meant to be, i should accept that, he said i really patient with him, n i was somone he really want to be with"

***

2 days ago wilson said that if i want to be his gf , then he will get serious with me

***

rio give me called to tell me about my lab result, i was checked my blood n urine for the stupid insurance things...
then he said there were something on my kidney, they assume, i will get this stone on my kidney...it freaks me out
i'm crying and i feel so alone,
i try to reach fredrik, but he just nowhere to be found..

noone was really there for me
i called viktor and tell him..
he asked me to check in the lab again, n he promises me to company me
well he really did keep his promises
he bring me to quantum medical lab last nite, n we went through the blood n urine test once again.. i will get the result this morning...

i keep crying
i was too scared
God is really meant to be?
i cant tell anyone

***

Noboy, Igo and mammon really cheer me up these few days
cant really imagine if i dont have them as my close frenz..
LUV U ALLLLL!!!

a way back into love

2008-03-28T09:05:00.001+08:00

DEar : kakek panda...

How i wish u were here..
How i wish i can turn back the time...

I miz u...

I've been living with a shadow overhead,
I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed,
I've been lonely for so long,
Trapped in the past,
I just can't seem to move on!

I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away,
Just in case I ever need them again someday,
I've been setting aside time,
To clear a little space in the corners of my mind!

All I want to do is find a way back into love.
I can't make it through without a way back into love.

I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine,
I've been searching but i just don't see the signs,
I know that it's out there,
There's got to be something for my soul somewhere!

I've been looking for someone to shed some light,
Not somebody just to get me through the night,
I could use some direction,
And I'm open to your suggestions.

All I want to do is find a way back into love.
I can't make it through without a way back into love.
And if I open my heart again,
I guess I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end!

There are moments when I don't know if it's real
Or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration
Not just another negotiation

All I want to do is find a way back into love,
I can't make it through without a way back into love,
And if I open my heart to you,
I'm hoping you'll show me what to do,
And if you help me to start again,
You know that I'll be there for you in the end!

( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ce_DxJFdgM4 )

when capitalist on their tears to begged some love from the labor..

2008-03-10T15:21:00.002+08:00

well...as we can see the wide gap between capitalist class and labor class was unavoidable...
some women who are from capitalist class is really in trouble if they were fell in love with those guy from labor class...they give up their dignity to pursue their love, but sometimes labor class who enter the alienation world become so lost confidence of their self and give up their happiness, end up the capitalist women get broken heart and don't give a damn thought to fall in love again...
love SUCKS then...

***

Fredrik and me catching up some news that happen between us...
he got this big wound on his leg, and it still bleeding and there some matter grown on the wound..
man i really worried to death, it just the thing that his father have this diabetes..and diabetes diseases is juz inherit sickness...man, i was damn worry, i give him some medicine recipe from victor, hope he get well soon..

***

rivan, eric, n felice arrived bali last saturday..felice n me will meet up on friday...
n last nite eric give me a called..he said he intend to meet me but he in big mess..hahahaha

***

today roy fell a sick , n suddenly i feel earth quake on my stomach...
textin his sis n his fren to make sure he is ok...
his fren told me the reason he giving me up is because of the capitalist and the labor class thing...
cant really do a thing about that..
im on my way to let him go now!GANBATTTEEEE!!!!!

***

oh yeah want say HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR mrs. diana, wish u the best in life, cheers...

when capitalist meet proletariat

2008-03-08T13:11:00.001+08:00

Karl Marx is the father of all theories..
Finish his degree in Berlin and become a journalist of social and political issue since then.
His thesis of the whole ideas of rulling class really inspired me..
I start to think there is a differentiation of social class…
People who build his power from the materialistic, he define them as the capitalist, they were stay inside the rulling class with all the rulling ideas..

Labour (the proletariat or workers) includes anyone who earns their livelihood by selling their labor power and being paid a wage or salary for their labor time. They have little choice but to work for capital, since they typically have no independent way to survive.

Capital (the bourgeoisie or capitalists) includes anyone who gets their income not from labor as much as from the surplus value they appropriate from the workers who create wealth. The income of the capitalists, therefore, is based on their exploitation of the workers (proletariat).

What Marx points out is that members of each of the two main classes have interests in common. These class or collective interests are in conflict with those of the other class as a whole. This in turn leads to conflict between individual members of different classes.

people non capitalist, the labor has no option except to follow the rulling ideas from the capitalist.
These days, the aristocracy people or sometimes they were called patrician or bourgeoisie really blind with the fact that they need walking with the faith and intuition, not only with their brain. They were keeping thinking that ‘the differentiation of social class is really meant to be’…

Marx's theory of alienation refers to the separation of things that naturally belong together, or to antagonism between things that are properly in harmony. In the concept's most important use, it refers to the alienation of people from aspects of their "human nature". He believed that alienation is a systematic result of capitalism.

Non capitalist people become spiritual ignorance and come in term they have hard time to understanding themselves because of the rulling ideas by the capitalist.

This made a wider gap between capitalist and non capitalist…
By end of the time, non capitalist become lost their confidence and their right to speak out their aspiration.

he wore the SHIRTS

2008-03-04T14:07:00.002+08:00

hahahahahaha...can read my tittle? hahahahah..yeah thats true, nov told me last nite, he wore that shirts...that black shirt that have his ticket print on the front side and trans jakarta map on the back side.....i was so happy. i tot he will never use the shirt..but indeed he wore it. he never know how much it means alot for me....
loving him really hurts, so sad to remember everything, nov kept talking and talking about him last nite, 2 hours non stop...seems like im listening to very intresting radio...

but im glad alhough he show me how much he really DONT GIVE A DAMN CARE ABOUT ME, but deep down i know he really means every word that caming out from his mouth when he date d me...

loving you really HURTS ME el roy

ring ring
its you again
hurt pop
i love to hear you
its been all day
i ‘ ve been waiting for you

held up
you call my name
so much story you share with me
you said a lot to me about girls
oh its so nice

*
and every beauty thing they did to you
dont stop n tell me more

Reff
loving you is hurt some times
i am standing here
you just dont buy
i am always there
you just dont feel
you just dont wanna feel
dont wanna heard that word
it doesnt mean i givin up
i wanna give you
more and more and more

knock knock
they came around
hard pop
i love to see you
its been two years since i am in love with u

bam bam
you break my heart
you said girl i’m in love with her
but its alright
i am still alive
here.. here..

and all the beauty thing she did to you
dont stop and tell me more

back to [Reff]

and when i see that smile upon your face
deep in your eyes u had it all
and when i hear your super electrical voices
yee ooh yeah

the lite of my life

2008-03-03T13:46:00.000+08:00

How i wish he sing this song for me...
Cahaya hidupku by nunu

kemarin aku melupakanmu
kemarin aku tak ingat kamu
namun engkau tersenyum
sucinya cintamu

dan kini sampai akhir hidupku
kumohon jangan tinggalkan aku
selalu dekat denganmu
engkaulah segalanya

rasa sesal tak pernah datang di awal
ketika, ketika mata rasa dan kata sudah tak berguna
teringat satu masa ketika aku terlupa
terlupa akan cinta yg ada di dalam dada
ku terpesona dengan wanita berbeda
terpikat dengan sinar cahaya berbeda
wanita lain yang belum tentu setia
cahaya yang tidak akan bersinar lama

tidak seperti sinarmu engkau wanita pujaan hatiku
malu ku mengakui kesalahanku padamu
jujur hati ini tak bisa tidur
kusiapkan waktu berdua denganmu
saat dimana tak bisa kuganti dengan hatiku
cinta yg telah kau beri tak dapat terganti
hanya dengan untaian kata maaf dari hati ini
kau cahaya hidupku

are U there by somehow, God?

2008-03-01T11:48:00.002+08:00

yesterday was citra wedding ceremony n party. it all went great, she was stunning so was the husband. they look they will end up happily ever after...
moving on with the life, look ahead and planning for do many things..
i stand on the shores and smoke my marlboro and thinking how i was mis him so much..
and after all this time, he was always there, very close to me, but i cant do a single thing
.....then i now nothing can ever really changed the situation..

this morning i woke up at 5 am n sitting on my bed(this was the 5th day i woke up that early after novendra sms)...man, this remind me of that nite..the nite he show me his room... :) since we broke up my day was so murky...nothing can ever really changed the fact that HIS GONE..

novendra keep sent me sms..and it start irritating me when he kept talking about his close buddy, and tell me how they tease the aunty on the waroeng and oso how he always busy textin sms with some1 on the music meeting and tell me how he always been so good to novendra and treat him meal, and so on and so on...it tears my heart apart..i dont know whats going on...but it seems i even not try to get over him and it makes me drown deeper and deeper...

i know he been ignoring me..WHY I JUST CAN FIND THE OTHER GUY AND MOVE MY ASS TO OTHER COMPANY SO I DONT NEED TO SEE HIS FACE ANYMOREEEE....

God, its hurt.....and its really pain...i cant stop crying...
God u there?

scar

2008-02-19T16:32:00.002+08:00

i really dun have any idea for the tittle yet...
maybe later after i found one..
well this weeks been so....my boss was not around and we quite relaxed for this past weeks, doing our job regularly and we chit chat and discuss so many things..
things turn out quite unexpectedness..
FINALLY we broke up..well the "a piece of rock" (that what yani n lina always called him) and me really end our relationship, after these few months i struggle alone fighting to get his heart back...i just dun know y, but in the end he just said this 2 words " i cant" well it seems so unfair for me after all things that i did for him...
well he did recieved my gift but dun think he like it
yani told me n i end up cried the whole nite
waste my v day alone in my room

well not quite alone
at 10 rio pick me up and we went to hard rock
he cheer me up abit
abiiittt and when i start to get him off from my head
he textin me
man, this is getting hard and i cant resist that i always think of him
shit.,.this suppose to be damn pretty easy, to forget a BOY like him??

at least i get a rose hahahahahaah, not from any guy but from my bestfren
fiuhh..i cant stop smoking, its getting worse
expecially when i get really frustated and alone, i will smoke till i die i guess...
no i will not do that...

rio been so good to me this lately, i dont know whether he truly being a good fren or just want me to sign the life insurance...well dun give a damn think about that...

quite lonely and sad
feeling that i was so worthless for him, after all things that we have been through
it so easy for him to get close with other gal, chit chat with some stupid strangers and say how sweet is she....man its hurting me
nothing he left for me...mothing except this big scar on my heart

the backyard

2008-02-13T16:38:00.000+08:00

luph this picture...

yani n me in the office backyard...

1 days before v day....

2008-02-13T15:14:00.002+08:00

my boss is out of town, he hand over the office to me..madness...
well he leave me with bunch of works to do..haiyaaa....so SIANZ!!
i dun have a nice weekend i guess, end up crying the whole nite
on sunday i met up with my old fren, rio..he was our close fren(fredrik n me), n we quite trust him...he a nice guy, very optimistic and independent guy...
well he changed, he not talked about stupid investasing future with me anymore (well not that much...)hahahha...
we went to renon n ate bbq corn then he asked me to have dinner together, well that kind of sweet of him...we have dinner at taipan and then he company me to bookstore, bought couple books..
then on Monday he sent me sms, he said he will drop by and gave me life insurance brochure..
then he asked me to have another dinner together... :)
well we have dinner in d'cost and talk so many things.. he turn on to this song called"beautiful love" and asked me to hear it..hahahahahah
yesterday he said he will came over after my night prayer meeting, but then it was too late, n both of us get tired, so we cancel the meet up.
today he sent me sms he asked me to go center stage hardrock tommorow, well tomorrow is v day i know....and i wish i can spend my v day with someone i love, but i know that was not going to come true..

fiuh...i got the v day suprised for him already (i mean for r..)
hope he like it
hahahahahh

huhuhuhu...

2008-02-09T13:40:00.000+08:00

gong xi gong xi fat coi for everyone who celebrate the chinese lunar new year
hong bao na lai...huhuhu

well spent my new year cleaning up my room, take off fredrik picture. almost take off all our picture except the one in front door and the one in the small frame on my mirror..
change it all with some new picture and from bbq party with photofactory and the staff...
put roy picture too, the one in the beach, the most sweetest time ever...
(miz the fireworks nite) hihihihi...

fredrik told me he just read my blog, well i tot he already forgot my blog name, well he still remember..now both of us lead our own life, sumtimes its hard to believe im sitting here alone typing stupid blog without telling story about him anymore.

kind of have this blue feeling when i found the wedding folder in my room, well that folder have so many brouchure n wedding vendor pricelist for our wedding. i run out my tears, left no more..keep it still and decided to move on..

Hardi went back to Jkarta, well that gud, i mean i dun want to give him hope!
i cant like him, ever!he such a good guy, but we are just diffrent!he not what i looking for!

eric called me and said gong xi fat choi, he say hi to my mum, asking my condition, talk about my activity and he said he miss me, he try to comeback Bali after the java jazz festival finish.

boy sent me sms asking where i am, have i taken my dinner?n he said gong xi!we talked alot about life and love...he such a caring guy, although he havent found the one he looking for.but i know 1 day he will turn out become a great doctor!

I introduce vicky to lina, hope they can get close together so vicky can get me out from his mind.

well recieve so many sms 2 days ago, sony, vicky, boy, diaz, wilson,cecep, eric, emil, yosie,rio, rivan, rony, jimmy, riva, om bin, many many sms, make my inbox full..

valentine days is coming..well me???I HAVE NO PLAN!madness, the most broing valentine days i ever been i guess...suprise?well i got suprise for my bf...tell u guys later,huhuhuhuhu...cant really think off what gift to give him, then suddenly this thing just cross my mind and decided to made it!huhuhuhu...cant wait to see the result! maybe i will send cake to boy and maybe i will just spent my v days alone in home..bad bad bad

lina n yani have diffrent opinion these days...quite confusing for me..
lina said i should not be too kind to my bf, cause he a jerk!
n yani said i should be more patience and wait for him to react, but until when?
its very sad and pathetic seing im begging him to change his attitude...
i lost my mind, the ciggaret just drown me deeper and deeper...
no one was there for me!

Wedding Freaks

INDONESIA - where are you heading to?

GOD versus Religion

have you ever?

I'm gonna give my secrets away...

ONE YEAR

dont lemme go...

my heart bleeded (part 2)

my heart bleeded...

the silver birthday

my baby dont mess around because he love me so...

the spring fiesta

few months later

seberapa pantaskah kau untuk kutunggu?

the TRANSFORMERS...

gettin tired of a high class toys...

when its over...or not?

when STORM hit the ocean

qing tian...

One year ANNIVERSARY GIFT!

you are the reason that I live, isnt it?

my BEST BRUTAL late valentine date....

here goes the VaLENTINE DAYS

4 days before valentine

Plus & Minus of BOND

Collectible card n letter

mIrror mIrror hanging on the wall, you dont have to tell who was the biggest fool of all!

bye TEDDY...

little one HOSPITALIZED again!

do you remember?

when you have to choose between potatoes and watermelon...

little chat

the THIEF was D fren i was tot i have

freaky MONDAY...

waiting for d ROMEO....

a letter for an EX FREN!

shOCKed!!!uang dapur :)

I Nyoman Putra Sukasana

virtual vanity

when finally you can say GRACE for things that u have right now

the other side of Bali

HATE IT PART2

just us

*blush*

end year holiday wif HUNBUN

2010...

B.A.B.Y?

lets do little crazy things

by your side...

the other side of PADANG (after the earthquake tragedy)....

3

Far Away

bond!

summer holiday

"place to hide"

walk to the past

in charge of addicted

bucket list..mine!

introducing prada n miu2

men r from mars and women r from venus

coming back to zero...

03:15pm

if i got u with me here and now, baby...

MY dear dear student

it just the EMOTION...

when MUm went wrong

getting RECYCLE

if i just can say it....

first PIC

my BLOG personality (thanks to NENO)

birthday @ OFFICE

Man, what have you DONE to my life?

There is so much magnificents...

its good to know i GOT A fren..

Socialize girl...

I wanna hold on to u...

You take me the way I am

dear MOTHER MARY..

Can I have this kiss forever?

the HOLIDAy..

blush